The Sea Ranch Reader Editors are proud to introduce the second part in our 3 part series on this week’s 2023 The Sea Ranch Association Board of Directors election.

In this second installment, we had the pleasure of interviewing an arrogant newcomer to The Sea Ranch that, paradoxically, is tired of all of these tacky arrivistes who are making everything “so unpleasant.”

Here’s what he had to say to The Sea Ranch Editors in a meandering email interview that we had with him last week.

(TSRR Editor #2) Can you tell our readers a little bit about the Aesthetically Concerned Coalition and what you’re all about?

(ACCSR spokesperson) Sure. We represent small number of Sea Ranchers that prioritize the beauty of The Sea Ranch and, more specifically, its coolness, over the concerns of other contingents that tend to focus more on ecology or development. As long as the board and community manager are doing everything they can to make this place less tacky, we’re happy.

We generally align with the tree-huggers at The Sea Ranch, but that’s primarily because we think they have better artwork, furniture and features in their house than their sworn pro-development enemies.

Let’s discuss some of the hot-button issues, starting with the latest timber management plan. Which side does an ecologically ambivalent coalition, such as yours, fall on the debate?

Oh, we’re definitely against it. But we’re not against it because of the cost or the overwhelming evidence that these types of “fuel” breaks do little to protect homes at The Sea Ranch and cause damage to the forest and the Gualala watershed. We’re against it because we think it will make the ridge trail less pleasant to walk on.

Even in the unlikely event a fire did roar across the river, up the hillside and into The Sea Ranch, and this fire break magically stopped the wall of flames, we just wouldn’t care. What’s the point of living here if everything looks bad? It’s not like it’s convenient or economically sensible to spend a lot of time at The Sea Ranch. We only spend time here because it used to have some street cred and it’s gorgeous from just about every angle.

What about short term rentals? Are they a force for good or for evil at The Sea Ranch?

We don’t believe there is anything intrinsically problematic about having a reasonable number of short-term vacation rental properties at The Sea Ranch. But we do have an issue with the quality of those rentals and the types of vacationers that are being attracted here.

I don’t know if you’ve taken a close look at the interiors of many of the rentals here lately, but they’re not pretty. The homes are adorned with manufactured artwork and furniture that is either temporary or disposable. They are not fit for inhabitance.

And you have to ask yourself, who would be willing to spend $600+ dollars a night to stay at a place like these? Well, I can tell you who wants to stay at these places: Families looking to have a cruise-liner like experience. They overwhelm the pools with their kids. They’re too drunk, or at least happily buzzed, on the trails. And the worse part is that they are on vacation. They’re in a good mood, smile too much, and want to make small talk.

I mean, if I have to nice to one of these bozos on a trail or at one of the facilities one more time, I’m going to lose my mind. Wasting all of those calories to move my zygomatic muscles into a smile, or lift my arm slightly to wave hello back to someone that I’ll never see again… it’s exhausting. And they don’t even live here!

There is one last hot-button topic I’d like to ask you about. It’s the one on top of everyone’s minds this week. What is the coalition’s perspective on the newly renovated rooms at The Sea Ranch Lodge?

At this point, the renderings on the Lodge website appear to be AI-generated. I think the exact phrase they used in ChatGPT was, “make this hotel room look like it’s at The Sea Ranch and better than the rooms at The Post Ranch Inn, but nothing too funky.” It looks like they might only be mock-ups. Let’s hope so, because the rooms that are depicted on the website have the charm of a Marriott Bonvoy in La Jolla designed by West Elm. They are designed to offend the sensibilities of as few people as possible.

Either way, we can assume that the final designs will look something like what’s on the website now. It’s just another symptom of the cognitive decline of the financially affluent in the United States. As their “percent body fat” declines through excessive exercise, so does the volume of white matter in their brains. They’re not able to make meaningful connections between interior design, art, literature, philosophy and the sciences. They no longer experience beauty or awe the way the others do. It’s not specific to The Sea Ranch, but it’s sad to see it happen here too.

It seems like you are against a lot of things. Some might even say you’re against progress here and that you have a very conservative agenda. Can you name a few changes your coalition would like to see here?

Oh, we’re for a lot of things. For example, we support an amendment to the CC&Rs that finally allows the TSRA to have some control over the interior designs of The Sea Ranch homes. Specifically, we would like to see an amendment that requires every The Sea Ranch home to have at least one piece of original artwork. And, no, watercolors or realistic paintings of seascapes will not count.

We also support a total ban on all of the poorly constructed or designed signage that has been appearing all over The Sea Ranch lately. We don’t know who to blame, since we’re not very politically engaged. Is it the design committee? Is the BOD making these signs on a volunteer basis? We can’t figure it out. But, in any event, that great sign about the rules at Moonraker, the one that also had the secret “have fun anyway” message, was recently replaced by a joyless replicant sans hidden message. So, we support the introduction of financially significant fines against TSRA staff and volunteers that implement poor design at The Sea Ranch. That would be a huge step forward.

What is the ACCSR doing to promote its agenda? To be honest, I’ve never heard of you before this week.

We don’t do much. We make a lot of snide remarks about some of the newer homes here. We definitely make fun of some of the new signage. We are rolling our eyes over that new official TSR Instagram account which appears to be some sort of marketing channel for The Sea Ranch. Oh, yeah… we’re constantly snickering at the “We serve lunch” sign by the Lodge every time we drive by it.

We also spend hours, literally hours, each week complaining about how expensive the homes at The Sea Ranch are now. We lament the slow decline of the intellectual-type’s numbers here. All of the professors, artists and writers are being systematically replaced by people in the financial services industry, people who made a lot of money by working at a company that IPO’d, or entrepreneurs that sold some company to a private equity firm. You know, the sort of people that are probably fun to party with every now and again, but aren’t the types you’d want to have designing the next phase of our formerly hip, bohemian and culturally relevant community. I mean, we’re only a few years away from a time where even the most successful attorneys can no longer afford to live here. Who are we going to fill our board of directors with when that happens?

Anyway, I think that more or less covers our efforts to date.

Sounds like an effective strategy. Best of luck to you and your preferred candidate in the upcoming board of directors election.

Thanks. That reminds me, I still need to mail in my ballot… if I can remember where I lost it.