You are so lucky that The Sea Ranch Reader editors watched all 7 hours of the 10/28/2023 board of directors meeting so that you never have to. Below is our scrupulous review. We have summarized the highlights, the lowlights, the fashions and cuisines of the meeting for your education.

Please note that we didn’t take any notes, we haven’t watched the board of directors meeting in nearly two months, and never went back to fact-check anything. So if we got the details wrong, we don’t want to hear about it. You are going to receive what we deliver.

Who was there? And, more importantly, what did they wear?

The primary participants in the meeting were the 7 board members, the TSRA community manager, and the planning committee chair. We’ve changed their names to protect the innocent:

Director 1: Christmas Jingle (CJ); CJ wore a black v-neck cashmere jumper from Banana Republic (2021 winter edition), a white collared shirt from Taylor Stitch, a pair of black-rimmed Tom Ford prescription lenses, and leopard print spandex from Spencer’s Gifts.

Director 2: Satin Nights (SN); SN wore a full-body, black Billabong wetsuit and a pair of black-rimmed glasses from Armani Exchange.

Director 3: Prince Pancakes (PP); PP also wore a full-body, black Billabong wetsuit as well as a pair of black glasses he found on the bluff trail. In the later part of the meeting, he pulled down the top part of the wetsuit to reveal a white Slim-Fit Performance-Stretch Canvas shirt from the Hugo Boss outlet store in Gilroy.

Director 4: Mel Gibson (MG); MG wore a gray Nike pullover, a gray Lululemon training shirt, and a non-operational pair of Google Glass(es) from 2014.

Director 5: Twin Fleece (TF); TF wore a brown and gray plaid, wool Pendleton jacket and a pair of black denim Levi’s jeans that were purchased using a 20% off coupon code he received after watching 30 minutes of mobile video game ads.

Director 6: Meter Asset Manager (MAM); MAM wore Men’s BoardFlex® Denim Shirt, Traditional Untucked Fit from LL Bean and home-made wire-rimmed reading glasses.

Director 7: Eccentric Wattage (EW); EW wore an electric blue blouse from Forever 21 and a pair of prescription glasses from Surf Market with the lenses removed.

Planning Committee Chair: Brad Hogan (BH); BH wore a green and black plaid shirt from Nordstrom Rack and a pair of red Carolina Herrera reading glasses.

Community Manger: The CM wore an all-black outfit to match the occasion.

What happened and what did they eat for lunch?

So much. It was a 7-hour long meeting that took place in 6 major acts.

Part 1: The Taking Part Workshop

Everyone celebrated the taking part workshop. Some old-timers said that new-timers asked for things that already existed. In the old-timer’s words, “we already have that.”

The most tangible output from the taking place workshop was a map of The Sea Ranch covered with little dots of “interest” placed by workshop participants. The planning committee chair, BH, said the next step is to categorize the clusters of little dots.

BH also wanted to make sure the workshop is “actionable”. His language suggested that he’s been scarred by attending corporate off-sites, the kind that management consultants use to build consensus among a distributed group of executives and their senior staff. The kind with a lot of brainstorming, assignments and accountability for big projects, and very little impact (usually because most of the attendees already have full time jobs). It was hard not to feel some sympathy for BH. Workshops are a ubiquitous and frustrating feature of the modern corporate workplace.

Apparently, there were a lot of dots placed near a beach that has been closed for over 800 days because of some broken stairs. But why hasn’t the county done anything about it? What are all of those deadbeats in Santa Rosa doing over there?

BH also announced that there are two open positions on the planning committee, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Part 2: Roundtable Discussion on Priorities, Projects, and Decision Making

CJ promised that they’ll get to the things that people care about (i.e., the airstrip and fuels management plan) after lunch. But first he had an interesting presentation to share.

The presentation was about a framework for deciding which projects the board selects to make decisions about moving forward. It’s a priorities framework.

An awkward interaction took place between CJ and the Community Manager, about who should drive the slides/PowerPoint. CJ was “fine” with doing it himself, but clearly didn’t want to. It’s not clear who drove the slides, but the driver has their web browser open and one tab made it clear that they’d been playing a lot of Xbox.

Shortly into the discussion, CJ made a comment about social media and Instagram. EW made an uncomfortable joke about people over 30 not understanding social media. CJ retorted with an equally strange, and unexplainably non-confident comment, “come on, some of us older folks are on Instagram and social media.” The entire exchange was a head-scratcher.

CJ’s decision making framework is intended to be part educational, and part pragmatic about time and capacity. But the specifics of the framework were overshadowed by a long meditation on the monotony of making decisions.

Most of the presentation consisted of lists of priorities and how long theses lists can and should be. It didn’t take long to realize that CJ loves creating lists, and ontology more generally. The lists and structure of meaning within these lists could be about anything at all.

Some of CJ’s lists were so long, we forgot what the lists were about in the first place. As a viewer/listener, it was hard not to solely focus on the amazing details of the lists. We had to take the occasional mental step back to guess what tethers the individual bullets together into a single coherent dimension. One of these bullets, which we swore we heard, was “party with the Pomo”. But we were too lazy to rewind and confirm that’s what he actually said.

Director MG suggested that we might create an “energy generator” to propel some of the decision making within this framework. But he withdrew the idea once he realized he was sounding far more stoned than he was.

Towards the end of his discussion on lists, CJ made a dispassionate request to adopt a decision about these lists and what sort of ontological structure should be used to organize these lists into “high” vs “low” priorities. Even if a decision can’t be made today, he said, “at least maybe we can agree to make a decision about these decisions in the future.”

In an act of extreme self-awareness, CJ also offered to buy an ice cream for anyone who could recall the number of categories he initially shared to organize all of these list items within his framework. One community member is offered an ice cream by CJ after her comments. But another board member, MAM, is the only one to correctly guess it (the answer is 6).

Later in this discussion, one board member admitted that they were very jet lagged. Another said they like rules, because the current board is not governed by rules, only agendas. A community member curtly requested that another droning community member with poor audio quality be “cut off”.

Part 3: Sandwiches

The Sea Ranch Lodge provided sandwiches to the Board of Directors during their 15 minute lunch break. The sandwiches selected and consumed by the board members were as as follows:

1. CJ: Olive, tomato, caper and anchovy tapenade with frozen rock crab meat on toasted rye bread
2. SN: Ketchup, mayonaise and mustard on wonder bread
3. PP: BBQ sauce and grape jelly slathered onto a brioche hot dog bun
4. MG: Cornichons, saucisson, and three different types of butter on one of those La Brea bakery take-and-bake rolls you can buy at Surf Market
5. TF: A “snack-size” bag of Fritos, with sour cream and freeze-dried bacon bits added to it
6. MAM: Abstained
7. EW: A Lunchables box from 1991 (still not expired)

Part 4: The Short Term Rental Roundtable Agenda Item

It’s not clear what this one was about. Sonoma County issued new rules for STRs and the board seemed uncertain as to whether they should be adopted (the alternative being that The Sea Ranch secedes from Sonoma County, we suppose.)

One well-known STR owner was disappointed that the topic was up for conversation and was totally blindsided, even though we saw her writing about the very topic on the TSR Listserv days earlier.

STR owners were incensed that people who don’t like STRs had organized and were talking to the community manager. Why do these people who don’t like STRs always have to be so divisive by not liking STRs? Those who don’t like arriviste strangers mucking things up around here are totally ruining the community.

Part 5: The Airstrip

SN looked into various “fly-in” communities in the United States and decided that our rules should look like theirs. Especially now that members and guests are using commercial charter services. Rules must be updated to accommodate their needs. Cessnas will be allowed, of course. As will commercial planes. As long as they don’t exceed an 8,000 pound limit.

One member already ordered a 12,500 pound plane. They will be grandfathered in, according to the new rules. He/she will be the envy of all of the wealthiest members that move here soon. Because they will have VIP status. The reason why they are grandfathered in? It’s because no reasonable person could have foreseen that rules might change here. It’s not their fault.

The hundreds of people who purchased homes near the airstrip should have known better, though. They should have known that we’d start calling it an airport, that we’d allow non-member usage and commercial aircraft. Importantly, they should have known that one person would be allowed to land their 12,500 pound plane here before these new rules went into place. It’s called “reading the tea leaves” and they are being unreasonable.

But none of these chartered flight users or lodge representatives were at the meeting. Instead, long-term TSRA members who own small planes made their case to preserve the airstrip (although it’s not clear that was in question… but we don’t pay close attention to these things). The long line of pilot members said their piece about the airstrip and what it means to them. The first person to speak was super cool. He flies a 1,900 pound plane and owns Hanger 1 at the airstrip. He also loves The Sea Ranch Hanger document which is very clear and useful. (The editors suspect that it’s clear because it was written for actual hanger owners).

But things unraveled quickly. Another member said they’d never be able to commute to The Sea Ranch without the airstrip. Car travel is too stressful and the nearby airstrips are not… well, actually, they didn’t mention the nearby airstrips.

Director EW was confused as to why people think there will be more flight traffic in the future. A community member pointed out that the Lodge is hosting more events and that those events are associated with increased airstrip use. EW said, “well those people aren’t members so they can’t use the strip.” CJ countered that the mysterious Lodge owners are members and that the hundreds of people at the events are guests and can use the airstrip. EW consented to this interpretation and said, the guests are all members and can use the strip.

One community member suggested that we conduct a survey to determine the number of lodge owners so we could compare that number to the hundreds of homeowners near the airstrip. You know, just to get some data so we can figure out how to balance the various needs of the community.

Just joking. Nobody actually said that.

One community member, presumably a pilot, said that all of the pilots have attorneys and even “text message” the Lodge owners. So they intend to take legal action if they don’t get what they want. The TSRA better lawyer-up.

MAM asked if the final proposed language in the new rules would stop that nasty gray helicopter from landing. TF assured MAM that the gray helicopter owner is, like, completely on the level and totally fun to hang with. So don’t worry about it.

Part 6: The Forest Management Plan

PP kicked off the Forest Management Plan discussion by asking if the other board members supported a 100 foot fire break on each side of an old fire road along Timber Ridge, which is now used as a trail. He said he had enough support and “yes” votes to give him enough confidence to say, “Anything less than 100 feet is a compromise”. But the conversation took a different turn once someone pointed out that he can’t possibly know that he has that support, because those types of conversations are only supposed to take place in public board meetings.

Other board members asked openly about two resolutions on the table, and about whether the board should be making these types of forestry decisions, or the management.

In any event, it turns out that 15 foot buffers were totally fine with most board members. Furthermore, staff should be able to make those types of decisions.

But still, PP doesn’t want the staff to take on “that sort of heat”. It takes a board member to suggest 100 foot buffers, which is why he’s going to suggest 100 foot buffers.

It started to get testy towards the end of the meeting and a resolution was passed, requiring the Community Manager to bring snacks to future board of directors meetings.

The community input at the end of the Forest Management Plan discussion was focused on safety and the preservation of precious human life. Without those 100 foot firebreaks, there’s no escape route along Schooner Drive. If that fire road is serviceable, they said, at least people could get to one of those sag ponds and cool off a little during a fire.

It was getting late after 7 hours of heated debate. There was universal support to table everything. It was obviously dinner time.

That’s our review of the board of directors meeting that took place before the last board of directors meeting. Happy New Year!

Till next time,

The Sea Ranch Reader Editorial Staff