Welcome to The Sea Ranch Reader’s Guide to Guides to The Sea Ranch. As The Sea Ranch’s popularity intensifies, thanks to The Sea Ranch Lodge’s PR efforts, so does the media attention. It’s too much for any reasonable visitor to sift through, and we’ve done so for you.

These 53 guides are a repetitive collection of facts, mistruths, and recommendations on how to spend your time at The Sea Ranch. If you don’t feel like reading the entirety of this guide to guides (we don’t recommend it), here’s a summary:

The food at The Sea Ranch Lodge exceeds expectations in this remote coastal community, as does the bread at Two Fish. There are a lot of beaches here. There is a chapel. Oh my god, do these guides love to talk about the The Sea Ranch Chapel. We also have trails. The golf course is a bargain. The architecture is worth a gander. You can stay at the Lodge or rent a home. Most of the short-term rental company guides can’t name The Sea Ranch correctly. A surprising number of people who write guides to The Sea Ranch have never stepped foot on The Sea Ranch. Everything here is rustic and laid-back. The drive here is pretty, but also a total pain in the ass.

And nobody, not a single flippin’ person, ever mentions how solid The Sea Ranch Lodge bartenders are. The probability of finding a decent cocktail on this remote part of the coast is about as improbable as finding hundreds of homes here that were designed by internationally-renowned architects. So take these guides with a heavy dose of salt.

If you are in a hurry and don’t want to read our reviews of 53 different guides, here’s what we recommend: If you are a first-time visitor and only have time to read just one of these guides here, we recommend Diana Yen’s article written for New York Magazine. If you have time for two, we suggest Yen’s and Patricia Leigh Brown’s article for The New York Times. If you are traveling here with kids, read both those and Ronnie Sharpe’s article for ROAM Family Travel Magazine.

If you’re in a bad mood and want to take out your frustrations on poor young people who are just trying to make a buck in this crazy world, skip everything else and read the guides produced by social media influencers.

If you don’t want to (or can’t) spend thousands of dollars to walk along the coast and gawk at the architecture at The Sea Ranch, just go straight to the last guide, produced by The California Coastal Commission.

We didn’t review the many excellent books written about The Sea Ranch. If we did, you’d know where we steal all of our best ideas from.

We also didn’t review the multitudes of articles that focused solely on the Sea Ranch Lodge’s redesign. Those generally aren’t guides. Although, a few did provide recommendations on what to do during your stay and are included here.

If you are a member of The Sea Ranch Association, you’ll probably have one of several responses to these guides. If you rent your home out to vacationers, you’ll be tickled by the attention this place gets nowadays. If you think of your The Sea Ranch property as a financial investment, you’ll be pleased that many of the latest articles about The Sea Ranch are appearing in publications read by people with money (e.g., the Financial Times and Forbes) and not just the types with architecture pornography that aspirational dreamers read (Dwell). If you’re like the rest of the community, though, you’ll oscillate between laughter and incapacitating dread– especially when some tourist calls the small changing rooms at our pools, “clubhouses.”

Like we said, there are so many guides in this guide to guides, we’ve organized them below. Sort of. You can skip around from section to section as you see fit. Those sections include: magazine guides, news guides, social media influencer guides, blogger guides, vacation rental guides, business league guides, real estate guides, golfing guides, and a few other types that we’re not going to bother to mention:

Good luck.

Magazine Guides To The Sea Ranch

We wanted to begin with most readable guides, which are published by organizations that can afford professional writers and, sometimes, fact-checkers. Enjoy these while you can. The guides generally go down-hill from here.

Women’s Wear Daily’s The Sea Ranch Lodge Is the Architectural Equivalent of a Cleanse

Women’s Wear Daily is a popular fashion design and retail trade publication. Since it relies on advertising dollars from the industry it covers, its content is rarely critical of specific brands, events, or people. Its articles are filled with fun phrases, like “thirst-trap masculinity” and “post-flight glam”, that will quickly become regulars in your sarcasm toolkit.

The articles are behind a paywall that’s easy to bypass for free. Simply switch to reader view on your mobile device and disable your content blockers. That should do the trick.

Their guide to The Sea Ranch is by their West Coast editor and veteran fashion writer, Booth Moore. She covers everything from fashion shows to the latest brand campaigns, to red carpet trends. That makes her a perfect person to write about The Sea Ranch and all of its post-Highway 1 drive glam.

The Sea Ranch she describes today isn’t exactly right. However, it does reflect an increasingly probable dystopia many residents fear: a “haven for California tech executives” that “feels progressive”. That’s a clever way of saying it’s becoming a deeply conservative place camouflaged with a thin veneer of contemporary American liberalism. Kind of like San Francisco.

Her history of The Sea Ranch is accurate (a rarity in these guides), much like her description of its culture. She correctly identifies the architect who built the first spec houses here, Joseph Esherick, as well as the developer, Al Boeke of Oceanic Properties. She points out that the supergraphic images in the redesigned lodge were not actually painted by Barbara Stauffacher, but one of her daughter’s friends while the friend was on the phone with Stauffacher.

The guide is to The Sea Ranch Lodge, as the title suggests. She describes the Lodge as having “simple, organic luxury”, from the rooms to the fare. She provides a lengthy description of all of the designers who either made or curated the furniture and decorations in the Lodge rooms. While this may interest WWD readers, feel free to skip it, as we did.

Her recommendations on what you should do at The Sea Ranch are sane: go on a long walk, read a book, and hang out in your room. As she says, ‘doing nothing is everything here’. If you’re not capable of staying still, she says you can visit The Sea Ranch Chapel and Surf Market in Gualala, which has serviceable oysters, cheese, and wine.

What she got right: The changing culture at The Sea Ranch.

What she missed: She missed the Chemex coffee makers in each Lodge room.

Vogue’s At Sea Ranch, a California Classic Gets a Sophisticated Refresh

Vogue’s guide to The Sea Ranch is precisely what you’d expect: a well-written and accurate description of The Sea Ranch’s history (they can afford fact-checkers), its architecture and design sensibility, praise for The Sea Ranch Lodge’s recent renovations, and a description of what the author, Janet O’Grady, wore while hiking along its trails—a Barbour jacket. It’s also rich in descriptors, with almost 10% of the words in the guide being adjectives.

O’Grady sampled the food at the Lodge but only tried some avocado toast. The article features images of dishes that, to our knowledge, have never been on the menu but look delicious. She mentions that the restaurant is becoming a destination eatery on the coast, a statement that seems to echo what the Lodge might have told her, considering she published the article just a few short (holiday) months after its reopening.

After O’Grady’s detailed description of the Lodge’s updates (concisely summarized as “contemporary inconspicuous luxury”), she embarks on her adventure of 50 miles of The Sea Ranch trails by foot. Her depiction of the first half-mile north of the Lodge is rich in detail. However, her walk and guide to The Sea Ranch abruptly end there, accompanied by a trite realization that The Sea Ranch could have ended up like Malibu.

What she got right: The dates and names of many of the people involved in the development of The Sea Ranch.

What she missed: 49.5 miles of The Sea Ranch trails.

Condé Nast Traveler’s The Sea Ranch Lodge: First In

Condé Nast Traveler’s reviews follow a simple formula: explain what makes the hotel unique, what the rooms and food are like, how good the service is, and what you can explore in the surrounding areas. They only bother to write a review if it’s positive.

Through this uncritical lens, Bay Area-based travel writer, Melanie Haiken, describes The Sea Ranch lodge as “rustic chic”, serene and a good balance of “nature and nurture.” Everything melds.

She says it lacks the glitz of Ventana Big Sur. But that makes little sense, considering Ventana is a demonstrably un-glitzy Hyatt hotel. She also says The Sea Ranch Lodge is not as “groovy” as Esalen. That’s probably true, even if Esalen’s affordability only matches that of Ventana or The Sea Ranch Lodge when your Esalen accommodations are a sleeping bag.

Her description of the Lodge generally mirrors its marketing: a place with exceptional food, attentiveness to visitors and locals alike, and the indisputable hub of the community. She mentions some dishes that sound fantastic but have never appeared on the menu, including one with thinly sliced artichokes and a collection of seafood, including fresh crab. She mentions many of the regular events that occur there that are, you know, fine, such as their jazz nights and wine tastings.

The obligatory mentions of the golf course and chapel are, of course, included in her review.

The towns surrounding The Sea Ranch, according to Haiken, are “shabby chic”. That might sound condescending at first, but don’t take it personally, Gualala, Stewarts Point and Point Arena. She uses the term “chic” a lot in her reviews: The Jackson Hole Mountain Resort, and Nick’s Cove are also “rustic chic” (just like The Sea Ranch Lodge, although none of them look at all similar), Breckenridge, Colorado is “Western chic” (Breckenridge’s restaurants are just plain “chic”, though), The Vertical Sky Lounge in Chicago is “uber chic”, La Playa in Carmel is “modern chic”, The Gap reinvented “casual chic”, etc.

She also says the nearby towns around The Sea Ranch are on the “verge of hipness,” which is harder for us to defend.

What she got right: The rooms at The Lodge don’t have televisions.

What she missed: The size of The Sea Ranch Lodge property. She says it’s 10 miles long when, in fact, it’s probably less than a half-mile from one end to the other. Contrary to popular opinion, the Lodge does not own the entirety of The Sea Ranch, just a board member or two.

Condé Nast Traveler’s ‘My Favorite Airbnb in Sea Ranch, California: An Architecturally Impressive Forest Retreat with a Fire Pit and Hot Tub

Jessica Wright’s guide to The Sea Ranch, also written for Condé Nast Traveller, focuses on a single short-term rental. The guide starts off reasonably well. The renters are pleased by everything they encounter in the home: the welcome note, the instructions for the home, recommendations for nearby activities, the decor, the mattress, the coffee, and finally, the vinyl collection. But before readers realize where this is heading, she writes, ‘Is there a more beautiful sound than a crackling fire and a Billy Joel record spinning?’ And it only gets worse from there.

Wright and party quickly learn about The Lodge and establish it as their “base camp of operations”, eating most of their meals there and using it as a starting place for walks. That makes perfect sense if you, for example, are staying at the Lodge. But we know this house. It’s off of Timber Ridge Road, on Fernwood. It’s a good 45-minute walk (or more) to the Lodge from there. They also said they drove to a bunch of meadows and beaches, even though they are maybe a 15-minute walk (at most) down to either Galleons Reach and the meadows there or Pebble Beach.

They didn’t need to drive around that much.

While she seems to really like the place, she doesn’t write much about the architecture–which is very good. You’d think she’d at least mention who the architect is, a local legend who designed many of the best houses at The Sea Ranch after 1976 or so. She simply writes about the many mundane things inside of the house, such as the yoga mats and coffee table books.

What she got right: The house is in the woods.

What she missed: The gem of their neighborhood: the Gualala river and The Hot Spot, which is a short walk away from this house. But short-term renters beware. A grizzled group of geriatric kayakers hang at this water hole and they won’t hesitate to remind you, this is for “locals only”.

Travel and Leisure’s Sea Ranch [sic], a Planned Community in Northern California, Is a Testament to the State’s Utopian Spirit

This guide is subtle in comparison to Travel and Leisure’s usual content, which consists of listicles and guides to faraway places adorned with descriptors like ‘epic’, ‘perfect’, and ‘paradise’ in their titles. That’s probably because it was written by the graphic designer/illustrator, Tamara Shopsin, whose work you might recognize from The New Yorker and The New York Times. Her art is funny, simple, and immediately understandable (sort of like supergraphics). One of our favorites features the Harvard shield, replacing “Ve-ri-tas” with “Ve-ri-bad”. She strikes us as the sort of person that would find the history and execution of The Sea Ranch at least a little interesting.

The review reads like an essay on the original visions of The Sea Ranch and the tension between some of the early ideals and the realities of capitalism. She correctly identifies many of the architects and early participants in the design of The Sea Ranch.

She admits that she and her partner were skeptical of the place when they first learned about it. Why would they want to visit a planned community? But she became a quick convert after her visit, which (we think) involved looking for supergraphics and gazing at meadows, the ocean and at houses.

She laments the ‘mega-mansions’ that appeared here after the mid-70s but says the bylaws generally preserve the integrity of the place. She also notes that The Sea Ranch is being rediscovered by a new generation of families, and young design professionals are moving in and visiting. She doesn’t mention that they are significantly wealthier than previous generations, so we’ll have to wait and see if her optimism is justified.

What she got right: At first blush, a “gated” community along the California coast does sound pretty lame.

What she missed: You don’t have to rent a short-term rental to use the trails and community recreation centers here, as she suggests. You can also purchase property and become a member.

Punch Magazine’s Sea Ranch [sic] Serenity

Punch Magazine is focused on activities and the cultural zeitgeist on the Bay Area Peninsula, but occasionally includes guides to other Bay Area locales, such as The Sea Ranch. It’s one of those glossy, free local monthly magazines that you wish you never received, due to its hundreds of pages of real estate and home decor ads that take up way too much space in your mailbox.

The Punch Magazine guide to The Sea Ranch was written by freelance journalist, Lotus Abrams, who also writes for the equally free and cumbersome MarinMagazine.

There’s little to critique in this guide. The author is one of a handful to correctly identify the architects who designed Condominium One (which is shockingly absent from the vast majority of these guides), the architect who designed the first homes, as well as the pre-modern history of The Sea Ranch. More importantly, she says you should ditch your car when you get there (assuming you’re at a short-term rental), which is solid advice. If The Sea Ranch was a 10-mile long pork tenderloin (that’s its shape, if you haven’t looked at a map lately) and you sliced it into 10 or more separate medallions, each slice would have nearly identical features: beach, meadow, hillside, forest and the same set of bluff, meadow and forest trails. And maybe a pool nearby. You do not need to drive around The Sea Ranch.

And when you do need to drive to find food, she more-or-less captures the eateries that contribute the most calories to The Sea Ranch Reader editorial staff. So bravo on listening to someone here that told you where the good stuff is, Lotus. Some restaurants fell through the cracks, but this is generally very good advice.

Oh, and one last thing. She fell for a classic stunt pulled by The Sea Ranch Lodge Restaurant. Someone there sent her a professionally-shot, but totally fictitious Lodge restaurant dish photograph. This time, it was some sort of cured and/or smoked salmon with basil, capers, lemon, and what look like caper berries stuffed with salmon rillettes (but we’re not sure). In any event, it has never appeared, and will never appear, on the menu.

What she got right: Don’t spend all of your time in the car if you come here. Everything that’s nice about The Sea Ranch is a short walk away from every home here. Seriously.

What she missed: The Sea Ranch itself does not own any short-term rental homes or rent them out, contrary to this guide. It’s a homeowner’s association. The Lodge, for better or worse, partners with some owners to rent specific homes to Lodge guests. Maybe that’s what she was referring to at the end of her guide.

San Diego Magazine’s A Modernist Utopia on the Sonoma Coast

Surprise! San Diego Magazine’s guide to The Sea Ranch is actually a feature about San Diego-based architectural photographer Darren Bradley. The article, written by regular contributor Gillian Flynn, includes 14 photographs by Bradley. The article was published in 2022, but we believe the pictures were taken in 2018, judging by the appearance of the Lodge and pools in his photos. Taken together, it seems the author never visited The Sea Ranch. It’s more of an interview with Bradley.

Bradley highlights several architectural features at The Sea Ranch that are often overlooked in these guides, such as the orientation of sloped roofs to face the northwest winds, providing protection for usable outdoor areas. He points out that the vertical wood cladding at Fort Ross inspired the early architects here.

Some of the information in this guide was outdated by the time it was published. For example, it states that the long-gone statue in front of the Lodge was created by Robert Holmes.

In other respects, the guide is straightforward, mentioning The Sea Ranch community recreation centers, the chapel (designed by a San Diegan, naturally), Fort Ross, and the reopening of the Lodge’s dining areas in 2021. Some of the photos suggest that Bradley rented one of the units in Condominium One when he was there, which is another good idea if you’re renting around here.

What she got right: The architectural elements of some buildings at The Sea Ranch have a specific purpose

What she missed: At least two or three possible, tenuous connections between San Diego and The Sea Ranch. For example, someone from San Diego replaced some of the stained glass windows at the Chapel few years ago (according to the Chapel website). A San Diegan named JoAnne wrote a review of one of the short-term rentals on the Sea Ranch Rentals website in 2018 as well. She said the rental was “super clean” and that there was “no clutter!”

AARP Magazine’s 7 Little-Known Winter Escapes

The AARP Magazine featured The Sea Ranch as one of seven different places to visit in the winter. The list is purportedly based on temperature, popularity, affordability and beach emptiness. The Sea Ranch shares some intriguing company in the list, including Ocean Springs, Mississippi and Fredericksburg, Texas.

The guide is concise and centers on activities favored by tourists over 60 years old, such as observing seals and whales. Of course they remind you to visit the Chapel.

What they got right: The temperature is often around 50 degrees in the winter here.

What they missed: The Sea Ranch is significantly less affordable than the other 6 destinations on their list, where hotels range from about $80 to $200 per night. Maybe they meant to include Gualala in their list, which also has seals and whales, and is relatively affordable. You can also visit the chapel if you’re staying in Gualala.

AAA Via’s Sea Ranch [sic]: Northern California’s Coastal Retreat

AAA Via’s guide to The Sea Ranch was written by Bay Area-based writer, Lauren Parvizi. Parvizi regularly contributes travel and lifestyle stories to SFGate, The San Francisco Chronicle, and Via. She also published her first novel La Vie, According to Rose: A Novel in 2023. From what we can tell, it’s a Francophilic meditation on motherhood, heritage, and self-improvement. We’ve only read a few pages of La Vie, but it looks like a quick read– the type of paperback novel with a lot of one or two sentence paragraphs.

Her guide to The Sea Ranch is another practical one, as many activities she describes can be enjoyed without staying at The Sea Ranch itself. Her guide primarily focuses on nearby areas, particularly Point Arena, Gualala, and Salt Point State Park. Hikes and restaurants are discussed. The fare at Trinks and Two Fish is given appropriate consideration. She is one of the only people to include Gualala Pizza and Bakery in a guide to The Sea Ranch. She mentions the chapel (surprised?) and Walk-On Beach and that you don’t need to be a member to access it.

Because the article was written in 2017, it does not contain any food photography provided by new The Sea Ranch Lodge management.

What she gets right: You don’t have to rent a short-term rental or stay at the Lodge to visit The Sea Ranch.

What she missed: The soup at Trinks. Nobody ever writes about the soup!

Roam Family Travel’s Escaping to Sea Ranch [sic]

This is a practical guide written by an actual The Sea Rancher, Ronnie Sharpe, and offers suggestions for family activities at The Sea Ranch. The guide is clearly written by a local, as it mentions a few gems that are never mentioned elsewhere in these guides, including The Hot Spot, the Bryan B Preserve just outside of Point Arena, and the fact we have very good stargazing around here.

Sharpe, the author of Ronnie’s Awesome List, a popular precursor to websites such as Marin Mommies, is known for reviewing family-friendly activities throughout the Bay Area. Her Roam Family travel guide is similarly exhaustive and wholesome. Very few stones worth turning over are left unturned.

Her guide is less commercially minded than the vacation rental company guides that encourage you to rent and eat as many things as possible during your stay. Much of Sharpe’s guide veers toward connecting with the natural world, whether that’s watching wildlife, learning about the San Andreas Fault on The Sea Ranch’s interpretive trails, or trying to align your day with the tides.

When her guide does encourage you to spend, it’s on things you won’t easily procure in the urban centers of The Bay Area, including produce and eggs from local farms, olive oils from a monastery, and the baked goods at Two Fish. The last ones are made at a small enough scale, they tend to be of higher quality than the bakery nearest your place in [insert your neighborhood in the Bay Area here]. At a minimum, their baguettes are far better than the mass-produced, garbage baguettes available in Bay Area grocery stores (we’re talking to you, Acme, Semifreddi, and Firebrand). She also mentions Trinks but not, unfortunately, Trinks soups.

While she does mention the Chapel (of course), she also nods to the fact that it does look a little ridiculous or, at least, like the Hogwarts Sorting Hat.

What she got right: She got the drive right. Each place she recommends on the way to The Sea Ranch is actually on the way to The Sea Ranch—like, right off the road you’d be driving on anyway. That’s a rarity in these guides.

What she missed: The Sea Ranch isn’t just about watching nature; it’s also about watching, hearing, and smelling the huge jets and helicopters that now fly into the new Sea Ranch airport (formerly The Sea Ranch airstrip).

New York Magazine’s Diana Yen’s Family Road Trip to Sea Ranch: Pebbly beaches, grilled Dungeness crab, and wood-burning fireplaces

As the title suggests, this is a very reasonable guide written by Diana Yen for New York Magazine‘s “Steal My Vacation” series, which features photogenic travel destinations and promotional hyperlinks to just about anything you might need to buy to make your trip identical to theirs (e.g., specific hotels, Airbnbs, footwear, etc.).

This is Diana Yen’s first article at New York Magazine and, maybe, her first-ever travel guide (although, to be clear, it looks like another staff writer, Fiorella Valdesolo, put finger to keyboard on Diana Yen’s behalf). Yen’s better-known for her recipes, which appear in Bon Appétit. Her food looks very good (she’s also a “food stylist”), and the recipes are approachable, mainly focusing on Asian cuisine.

If The Sea Ranch Reader editors had to choose just one guide in this guide to guides, this would be the guide. She eschews many of the distractions that plague other guides to The Sea Ranch (aside from the Chapel, which is included in her guide). She knows what’s good. Meaning, she brought her own quality shit and cooked for herself and her mom at their modest and cozy-looking Airbnb. We love that she did this because it’s exactly what any sound-minded epicurean would do: enjoy the architecture, the views, the quiet, and not drive back-and-forth to Gualala or the Lodge to frantically forage for edible food every day.

Her guide is simple: First, stop and grab some produce and proteins at the Marin Farmers Market and various fishmongers and/or oystermongers on your drive north to The Sea Ranch (sorry, those of you driving south from somewhere else… you’re SOL). Second, cook at home. Like, really cook. She makes a BBQ Chinese pizza with lap cheong, a trout hash with butternut squash, Dungeness crab with brown butter sauce, and a littleneck clam chowder. She is not fucking around. Third, walk to the beach, especially during the magic hours before the sun sets. Fourth, make a fire in the fireplace. Fifth, read a book. Sixth, skip the community pools. Like we’ve said elsewhere in this guide to guides, The Sea Ranch is not a resort. The pools are filled with members swimming their daily laps. There are no pool-side Pina Coladas. There are no folded, soft towels waiting for you on loungers. There is no new-age flute music playing inside of the non-existent spa.

Most importantly, she advises bringing your own knives because the knives at Airbnbs are typically complete garbage. Their dull blades can ruin your food and pose a serious injury risk. You might scoff at New York Magazine for attempting to monetize this with a sponsored link to her preferred knife manufacturer. But we give it a pass, because it’s the best advice any travel writer will ever give you.

We hope Yen starts to write more travel guides, because she demonstrates preternatural instincts for how to spend time at The Sea Ranch. We suspect she’d be just as good at writing travel guides for other places as well. For example, she might recommend you go to the Farmer’s Market at the Grove to load up on edible ingredients before heading to your midcentury ranch-style Airbnb in Palm Springs. Because she knows you don’t go there for the Mexican food or old-school steakhouses, which are better in Los Angeles. You go there to grill outside, half-dressed, drink margaritas and stare at the San Jacinto mountains while lounging around the backyard pool. Don’t waste your time. Do what’s good.

What she got right: Most of the guide is correct, as long as your timing is absolutely perfect (e.g., you happen to be driving to The Sea Ranch on a Sunday morning so you can hit up The Marin Farmer’s Market).

What she missed: Although the guide was written in 2021, it contains a few outdated references to pandemic-era practices. For example, there might have been a time when Farmshop in Larkspur had one of those little “stores” that you could buy food/ingredients from. But they definitely do not sell “baked goods” and “fancy snacks” to-go. At least not any longer.

News Guides To The Sea Ranch

Every now and again, a newspaper or news channel will review The Sea Ranch. The guides aren’t bad. These journalists do a better job at capturing the mood of The Sea Ranch residents than many of their “peers” in other channels (save the guide from NBC Los Angeles– that guide is untethered from reality). News guides are certainly the least likely to try and separate tourists from their money (again, except for that NBC Los Angeles one).

The Charlotte Observer’s Sanctuary: Sea Ranch [sic] is Sonoma County’s hidden gem

The Charlotte Observer is a newspaper based in a place called “Charlotte” which is in North Carolina. At least one of us has been at that airport during layovers several times in the 90s and 00s, back when it was a US Airways hub. The food options in that terminal were so bad, we once waited in line for a table at TGIFs.

We used Google Maps to locate Charlotte. We were even more perplexed after we saw the results. It is surrounded by hundreds of towns, parks, and geological features we’ve never heard of. Most noteworthy for The Sea Ranch editors is that there’s a place called Pigeon Park in Tennessee (which is somewhere west of Charlotte) and that Myrtle Beach is in South Carolina. We always assumed Myrtle Beach was in Florida. And, to be completely honest, we always thought Charlotte was in South Carolina until looking at the front page of the Observer about 30 minutes ago.

Prior to our research, the only thing we knew about Charlotte was that it used to have an NBA team. Then we conducted a rare fact-check and were amazed that they still have an NBA team.

We tried to read some of the stories in the Charlotte Observer to learn more about Charlotte, but it’s behind a paywall so we had to go on headlines alone. Based on those headlines, here’s what we believe we know about Charlotte.

• Lowe’s is headquartered there (though we didn’t verify this)
• Math scores are plummeting in North Carolina
• Some guy at the Jan 6th insurrection is from North Carolina
• Most of the news in Charlotte is about college and professional sports
• They have a new restaurant in Charlotte that has “California Wine Country vibes”, which struck us as a little unnerving; It’s as if a creepy voyeur from a distant land (in this case, Charlotte), that we’ve never met, has been spying on us for years. Why do people in other parts of the United States always seem to know so much more about us than we know about them?

Anyway, their guide was written by a journalism professor at Berkeley, David Thigpen. So if you’re curious about what someone from Charlotte thinks about the greater Mendocino area, look elsewhere.

It’s evident that this guide was written during simpler times, characterized by spotty cell service and the absence of venture capitalists roaming the Lodge grounds. We think it was 2018 or maybe even 2017 based on Thigpen’s photos and description of the Lodge, which he stayed at before the renovations.

Similar to many other guides authored by men (as evident throughout this guide to guides), Thigpen begins with a description of the vertigo-inducing drive from the Bay to The Sea Ranch. The rest of the guide is sensible. He says that kids probably won’t like it here, as there isn’t much to do except passively enjoy nature. But he’s a fan, especially of the architecture which he calls, “masterpieces of understatement”. We appreciate his advice on what not to do: avoid expensive wine tastings, organized activities, and watching movies while here.

What he got right: Kids generally don’t like it here.

What he missed: All of those expensive wine tastings.

The Los Angeles Times Guide to Sea Ranch [sic]: Why so many people in L.A. are heading to this hidden modern utopia by the sea

We wish we could tell you more about this guide written by Julie Wolfson, but we don’t want to subscribe to the L.A. Times. Sorry about that. Julie Wolfson has another guide to The Sea Ranch that you can find here.

NBC Los Angeles’s The Sea Ranch Lodge is newly revitalized and full of grown-right-there foodie flavor

NBC Los Angeles suggests that if you’re seeking “SoCo” vibes, you should journey 500 miles north of Southern California to The Sea Ranch Lodge. According to NBC Los Angeles, the Lodge has recently undergone renovations and has introduced a new farm

The Lodge’s new venture, “The Farm,” is situated on property south of The Sea Ranch. So, it’s not actually at The Sea Ranch for those of you homeowners that were about to lose your minds. But it’s close. Likely the land the Lodge owners acquired, situated adjacent to the southern border of The Sea Ranch, providing picturesque views because the trees there never got out of control. The farm has sheep, pigs, cows, some bees, “goodies”, and mushrooms, according to NBC Los Angeles.

The guide concludes there.

What they got right: The article is 99% evaluative adjectives, so it’s not really possible to determine what’s correct and incorrect in this guide.

What they missed: The Sea Ranch is, in fact, situated in northern California.

Financial Time’s Travel News: Time to Hit The Road Again

The Financial Times guide to The Sea Ranch, published in 2021, was a guide to new hotels for vaccinated Brits and Europeans to stay at once the borders re-opened. The guide is primarily about a hotel in Santa Barbara, but the pictures are of The Sea Ranch Lodge.

The review refrains from listing the brands chosen to decorate the Lodge’s public spaces, but it does praise them as “fabulous” and notes that the redesign is both fresh and faithful to the original design and ethos of the Lodge (all of the guides say that). Additionally, the guide mentions that in the Lodge’s previous iteration, the views were overshadowed by bitumen, which doesn’t seem likely.

What they got right: The Lodge had been renovated.

What they missed: Their review came about two years too early. To their credit, they have a later review of The Sea Ranch Lodge from 2023 that says you can still relax and “tap into a time” before billionaires lived there. Whatever that’s supposed to mean.

The New York Times Utopia by the Sea

Patricia Leigh Brown is a seasoned culture and architecture journalist who has spent most of her career at The New York Times but also contributes to Architectural Digest. She lives in San Francisco and is no stranger to The Sea Ranch. She once interviewed Charles Moore in his Austin Texas home in 1987 before he passed away. During the interview, he expresses his preference for 80’s pop groups like the Go-Gos, stating, “they sound like they’ve all had heart attacks by the age of 25.” If anyone can explain what that means to The Sea Ranch Reader Editorial staff, they’ll send you a complimentary digital copy of The Sea Ranch Reader 2024 CC&R Violations calendar. It is unpublished. But it does exist.

This guide is among our favorites for The Sea Ranch, as it reflects the attitudes of many residents, particularly those who choose to live here due to their appreciation for the community’s founding principle and strict rules.

Brown’s guide to The Sea Ranch was published in 2008, but it’s still current enough. In her guide, she laments how the new lodge owners (from back in 2008– not the current owners) are threatening to turn the Lodge into a “highly processed” destination, like Post Ranch Inn with pleasure amenities. She says there’s a divide in the community, between those residents who moved there because of The Sea Ranch’s history, and those who regard it as “a generic seaside resort.” She also says that there are two distinct physical versions of The Sea Ranch: the original, located on the southern end with smaller homes clustered on the edges of meadows, and another version on the northern end characterized by giant mansions situated amidst meadows. But we think that’s a little bit of an over-statement.

She’s pleasantly surprised by Gualala, saying it has an excellent crafts studio, restaurants, a fine-foods store, and an on-trend design store, Placewares. She cautions against wine tasting, because most of the wineries are too far away.

She rents many of the most iconic types of houses at The Sea Ranch which, at first blush, seems like a luxurious thing to do. But on second thought, is exactly what a writer should be doing for a publication with the New York Times reach and stature. She rents four places: Charles Moore’s unit 9 in Condominium One, a Walk-In Cabin, a William Turnbull-designed Binker Barn, and one of hedgerow houses in the southern-most meadow, near Black Point. This is the only guide that provides a first-person account of a broad range of housing experiences at The Sea Ranch.

So what does she think of these places? She clearly favors Charles Moore’s condo. She calls Moore a “rat” for saving the best spot for himself. She calls the interior a “riot” and finds it thrilling to sit above the cliff in such a precarious manner. The walk-ins, on the other hand, aren’t really her style. The inside of house she rents has stuffed gnomes and she feels the neighborhood is inhabited by Prius-driving hobbits.

Another favorite is the Binker Barn that they rent. She describes it as “poetry in wood” and a sort of “chic abstraction of Nebraska”. She convinces herself she can cook like Thomas Keller in the kitchen and her husband finds a copy of Van Morrison’s Veedon Fleece, which he plays on repeat. It’s an all-too familiar story for at least one or two of The Sea Ranch Reader editors.

Her visit does have some misadventure. She can’t find the vaccum cleaner at Charle’s Moore’s condo, and freaks out when she realizes she’s trying to figure out where Charles Moore might store a vacuum cleaner and whether he has a streamer– as if she’s gone into the Charles Moore portal à la Being John Malkovich. Similarly, she can’t find the front door to her Walk-In Cabin. The Sea Ranch Escape short-term rental company told her that the hedgerow house she rented was designed by pioneering The Sea Ranch architect, Joseph Esherick. But the space, the venetian blinds and wall-to-wall carpet makes her a little suspicious. Through research at The Sea Ranch Association office, she discovers that the architect of her rental was not Esherick but a lesser-known architect named Van Norten Logan

The guide concludes with her sharing sound advice from an imaginary Joseph Esherick who warns her, “never trust a real estate agent.”

What she got right: You can describe most The Sea Ranchers as falling along a bipolar scale somewhere between The Sea Ranch originalists and those who’d prefer it was a banal seaside resort.

What she missed: We don’t know. We didn’t live here in 2008.

Social Media Influencer Guides To The Sea Ranch

Social media influencers guides to the Sea Ranch are the most reductive. Many of them focus exclusively on The Sea Ranch Lodge and contain information that is readily discoverable on the Lodge’s website (often verbatim).

Since, at least some of, these influencers were engaged by the Sea Ranch Lodge’s PR firm, The Point Public Relations, they provide an uncritical perspective on the Lodge, its rooms, and its cuisine. But they tend to be very funny and are worth watching a few times.

Megan Roger’s “24 Hours in Sea Ranch [sic]“

Megan Rogers is a photographer with moderate followers on Instagram and TikTok. Her accounts tend to feature images of herself doing things outside, with horseback riding and examining vegetables being her favorite activities. She photographs a lot of slender people on beaches. Her brand is quasi-spiritual. Her bio says she is passing time “until she becomes mushrooms” and she frequently quotes Alan Watts.

Her guide to The Sea Ranch is a short photo montage accompanied by a melodramatic piano score, called Le Jardin de Monsieur Monet, written and performed by Stephen Moccio. The guide is short, lasting only 18 seconds. It contains images of the old barn near the Lodge, a couple of seals, birds flying near a home, deer grazing near a home, Pebble Beach, a spider web, and her off-leash dog wandering through one of our meadows.

Megan’s guide to The Sea Ranch ranks among the most authentic because her photos closely resemble those that full-time residents often post on Facebook. One might assume she was a local herself, although I’m sure her neighbors would have complained enough about her off-leash dog for her to have curbed the behavior by now. That being said, this is an accurate depiction of having access to its private The Sea Ranch community Facebook groups once you are an owner here. Her photos look just like the thousands that our The Sea Ranch community members post online annually. Bravo, Megan.

What she got right: Photo after photo of common fauna, such as deer and seals

What she missed: The part when a The Sea Ranch member yelled at her for letting her dog run off-leash in the middle of a meadow filled with precious fauna

Mady Maio’s “The Perfect Getaway: @Thesearanchlodge“

Mady Maio is a social media influencer focused on short California trips, especially hotels and restaurants. Rumikub is one of her sponsors, so many of her videos include her at various hotels and restaurants playing Rumikub. It’s a stark reminder of how irritating it is when people play boardgames in public spaces. Particularly in hotel lobbies and lounges. Much like vigorous exercise and sex, some things are better done in private. Please reserve that valuable public space for people who need a stiff drink, a snack, or friendly conversation after a long bout of travel.

This is one of two The Sea Ranch guides that Mady has shared online. The guide is almost entirely focused on the Lodge. In-line text reminds you to “save” the Lodge for “your next trip to Northern California”.

The 30-second video shares images of the lounge at the Lodge, the dining room, the individual rooms at the Lodge, and various parts of the bluff trail within about one mile north of the Lodge. An image of avocado on toast, accompanied by one of the Lodge’s ubiquitous buttermilk-dressed side salads, appears twice: first around 8 seconds and then again, at a newly rotated angle, at 22 seconds.

In the long-tradition of videos about The Sea Ranch, the video’s score is a melodramatic song called New Home by the artist(s) Frozen Silence.

What she got right: The buttermilk dressing at The Lodge.

What she missed: Anything that makes a trip to The Sea Ranch worthwhile.

Mady Maio’s “Hallmark Energy @ The Sea Ranch Lodge“

This is another guide to The Sea Ranch from Mady Maio, which serves as a longer version of the first guide. The opening shot shows her in head-to-toe wool, waving excitedly at you, resembling an acquaintance you’ve bumped into at a grocery store that you’d rather avoid.

In her guide, Mady invites you to join her for a day at The Sea Ranch which appears to have been a day around Christmas 2023. How did she spend her day? Her activities included taking a brief walk outside, enjoying a bagel and/or toast, and embarking on a 90-minute round trip to Jenner for lunch, and being “so excited” to visit The Sea Ranch Lodge “IRL” because she’s seen it so many times before on Instagram.

The video is brimming with delightful details. For example, she says that the Lodge has been on her bucket list of boutique hotels to visit like “forever” now, which is certainly not true. She’s surprised that the coffee at the Lodge is serviceable, which is true.

She says The Sea Ranch Lodge design and architecture are “just beyond” and that the Lodge has “Hallmark energy”.

Hallmark movies, especially ones set during Christmas, often unfold in landlocked areas, such as the Rockies or Nashville. The main characters dress like upper-middle class Republicans in their journey to find new meaning in Christmas. There’s nothing particularly modernist, ecological, or idealistic about Hallmark movies. But Hallmark films are also “just beyond”, so that’s probably the connection she’s trying to make.

Both her day and her The Sea Ranch guide end with her watching Die Hard on her laptop after playing 15 games of Rumikub in the Lodge cafe.

Hey Candace’s “If You Have an Appreciation or Downright Love for Modernistic Design– Sea Ranch [sic], CA Should Be On Your List of Places to Visit“

Hey Candace is a lifestyle influencer based in Portland, Oregon. Her clients include small to-midsize brands in skincare, fashion, and hospitality. Her videos feature her and her friends hanging out while popular “indie” music sets the ambience. Occasionally, a random voice (not hers) is mixed into the audio, uttering statements that are loosely related to her content, such as “I love The Smiths” and “isn’t it great to be a woman.”

Her guide to The Sea Ranch is one of only two produced by online influencers that mention anything about the history or architecture of The Sea Ranch. We give her credit for correctly identifying two of the architects at MLTW that designed for The Sea Ranch, as well as its dominant architectural features such as “timber frame structures” and “slanted roofs.” Mega props for mentioning it is a residential community and not a lodge or resort community. She did her homework.

She and her friends spent time relaxing, drinking wine, eating “amazing” food, and visiting nearby Gualala.

What She Got Right: The unique feature of The Sea Ranch is its design and architecture (not the views of the ocean, the beaches, let alone the food and wine).

What She Missed: The frustration of full-time residents when they attempt to use one of the recreational center’s saunas, only to find them already occupied by ‘guests’ of their short-term renting neighbors..

Linh Huynh’s “Where To Go For A Relaxing Lunch In California!”

Linh Huynh is a budget food and travel influencer focused on Asian, European and Bay Area eats.

Her videos are quick and to-the-point. While the premise of her reviews and guides is occasionally intriguing, they often fall short of expectations. An example is her review of a transatlantic United Airlines economy meal, which includes culinary classics familiar to plebs in the back of such flights. This includes the “Thai” butter sorta-curry chicken with mushy white rice, the cold barley and raw red onion salad, and the mass-produced, rubbery Momofuku Milk Bar cookies now available in most grocery stores. Her assessment of the dishes ends just about the moment you realize it started. She rattles off numbers: “Chicken– 7.5; barley salad– 6.5”. Her scores are provided without context, and she does not discuss the rating system. It’s one of many missed opportunities in her content.

However, her travel guides are entertaining because she excels at recommending food that most tourists are already familiar with, or would discover on their own. She encourages you to enjoy an Aperol Spritz in Italy and suggests trying Katsu in Japan. You get the idea.

In her guide to The Sea Ranch, Huynh describes The Sea Ranch lodge as a “nice getaway” from San Francisco . She tentatively declares The Sea Ranch Lodge as ‘maybe’ the most relaxing restaurant in California. She notes that the lunch menu is limited, but praises the “fresh flavors” that “burst” in the ceviche, tomato soup, and the burger with fries. The burger is “juicy”, she says. The fries are “soooo crispy”. Then the video abruptly ends, just as you think she’s going to start talking about The Lodge or The Sea Ranch more generally.

She never discusses what attracted her to drive 2-3 hours north to The Sea Ranch from SF. You get the impression she’s satisfied enough with the burger and fries.

The danger in guides like this one is that the more you talk about the Lodge’s burger and fries, the worse the experience will become. When a burger like this is experienced by accident, it is a delight. The burger is balanced, both in the flavor and fat content in the meat (part lamb, part beef), as well as the ratio aged white cheddar, dill pickles, and thick tomato slice that accompany the burger. Most of the time, it arrives the way you ordered it (medium rare, or just rare). It’s the sort of burger that you are thrilled to eat when you weren’t expecting it. And it is very rare to come across a burger and fries like this in the middle of nowhere. But if the burger is the destination you will be disappointed.

Don’t misunderstand us. Some weeks, the entire staff at The Sea Ranch Reader consumes about 34% of their caloric intake from Lodge burgers, fries, and ceviche with tortilla chips. We are fans. But there are plenty of damn fine burgers closer to San Francisco.

The guide ends abruptly, right after she describes lunch and just as you think she’s going to get to the main story about The Sea Ranch or the Lodge.

What she got right: The fries are crispy.

What she missed: Providing a compelling reason to make the 2.5-hour drive north from San Francisco.

Kat Alcaraz’s “Have You Been To Sea Ranch? [sic]”

Kat Alcaraz, a San Francisco native and lifestyle influencer, focuses on consumer packaged goods (CPG), food, and real estate. Her persona embodies that of your “bestie,” providing insider tips on exciting new activities across the SF Bay Area.

She wanders through concisely edited videos in a feigned state of low-awareness. She frequently claims ignorance about the sources of her motivations or knowledge. However, it’s evident even to the mildly news-conscious Bay Area resident that she garners her ideas from reading local news and magazines. A prime example is her recent video where she and her cousin traverse the Crosstown Trail in SF. In her opening lines, she asks, “Have you heard about the SF Crosstown Trail?” followed by “I don’t know what compelled me to take it,” though it’s evident to both you and her that she read about it in The Chronicle and decided to feature it on TikTok.

She cultivates an air of mystery around her knowledge sources, despite her insights being no different from those of any reasonable adult’s common sense. In her guide to The Sea Ranch, for instance, she asserts a hunch that The Sea Ranch Lodge is busier on weekends than weekdays.

In her guide, she shares an annotated, factual version of The Sea Ranch’s history directly from The Sea Ranch Lodge website. Following a montage of images of The Sea Ranch Lodge (including the obligatory record player), she mentions enjoying a smash burger and iced tea with her mom at the Lodge. Since the smash burger is exclusively served at the cafe, we presume that’s what she ordered. The guide abruptly concludes with a cautionary note about the winding roads on Highway 1 and the absence of guardrails.

What she missed: The people on laptops at the Lodge were not working from home.

Gen’s Getaway’s This is your sign to grab your friends and head to Sea Ranch [sic]

Gen’s Getaway is a relatively recent endeavor by Gen (presumably), who creates heavily-edited videos of her travels. Her videos change scenes so rapidly, you can barely tell what you’re looking at. The brain typically takes 200 to 300 milliseconds to process complex visual scenes, which is approximately the duration of many of her clips. So you finally recognize what you’re looking at the very millisecond she moves onto the next thing. Her videos feature ‘big feeling’ cathartic pop songs, typically favored by individuals under 40. The overall effect is one of discomfort.

Her guide to The Sea Ranch is a stroboscopic video playing to a song called “Home” performed by a group called Good Neighbors. It’s as if someone without a voice tried to sing like Bon Iver and copied some tracks from Fun. In other words, it’s not easy to listen to and you’ll instinctively mute your device as soon as the video begins.

The video includes the following sequence of images, most of which no non-short-term-rental-owning community member would ever, ever want to see:

1. Gen descending the stairs to Black Point Beach with a friend, although the tide is too high to actually walk on the beach
2. Gen jumping up and down in front of the bluff; Her left arm is extended straight, forming a 145-degree angle above her head; Her left hand is slightly clenched; She is holding a can of White Claw in her right hand
3. Two men toasting to-go cups of coffee at The Sea Ranch Lodge cafe.
4. A man and woman posing in front of the bluff
5. Four wine glasses coming together, in a toast
6. Someone opening the front door from the inside of a home in the woods
7. A clothed couple embracing by a steaming hot tub, probably at the same house as in 6
8. 7 or 8 people taking a selfie in the reflection of one of the Lodge’s windows
9. A small water spout falling onto Black Point Beach
10. Two women toasting with White Claws on the bluff trail
11. Two women and two men posing at the Point Arena lighthouse.
12. Waves crashing near the lighthouse
13. A dozen shucked oysters over ice, with mignonette and lemons at an unidentified restaurant
14. The Ohlson pool
15. One of the tennis courts at Ohlson
16. A man inside their short-term rental playing a game of Guesstures
17. A woman carefully placing kindling on top of an already burning fire
18. A home in the woods
19. The same home from their rental’s kitchen window

She mistakenly refers to our community pool changing rooms and showers as ‘clubhouses’ and encourages you to bring your friends there.

In the body of the Instagram post, she describes The Sea Ranch as an ‘underrated’ place. We are so grateful to Gen for finally giving The Sea Ranch the attention and admiration it deserves. It’s about time.

What she got right: Her video is only a few seconds long, which is considerate.

What she missed: There are no “club houses” at The Sea Ranch and if there were, she’d probably freeze after seeing the tongue-in-cheek “no dweebs allowed” sign.

Marissa Klurstein’s “Finally Had To Share, It’s Just Too Special“

Marissa is a travel influencer with decidedly rococo tastes in hotels (her favorites tend to be in Italy). She has an eye-catching wardrobe, which she sometimes features in her videos while in various states of undress. Her fashion ensembles resemble the Memphis Group’s 1980s interior designs: bold colors and shapes, and a paucity of texture aside from a few pops of thick striping. Her outfits are engaging and well-considered, but you get the sense her style is a false form of advertising after you watch a couple of her videos. There is hardly any contrast between her hotel reviews. You could swap the audio from most of her green-screen reviews without noticing.

She is sorry for not posting her guide to The Sea Ranch sooner. She visited in July but only got around to sharing her review in November. She fibs a little and says she delayed out of fear that she’d consecrate The Sea Ranch by telling her followers about it. But we suspect she simply procrastinated or lost all of her notes.

Her guide is a riot. She says that The Sea Ranch Lodge is more than just a hotel in that, “it also has a restaurant”. She shares several images that appear to be from the Lodge website, of various angles and corners of the restaurant, lounge and cafe and says, “you can eat here… or here… or here too.” She describes the rooms as simple, comfortable, “with all of the design.”

It’s often hard to tell if she’s too lazy to do any research or is intentionally fashioning herself with ignorant affect. In one part, she says that The Sea Ranch has a bunch of homes that she “wants to say were built in the 70s”. But she doesn’t take the 10 seconds to look it up on Wikipedia. What were the goals of building this community, you might ask? According to her: “I wanna say as a sorta almost Utopia”.

She laughs at herself for being a goofball with her four girlfriends. They drank Diet Coke, and some sort of carrot cocktail (she usually doesn’t like that sort of drink) and played Battleship.

What else is there to do in The Sea Ranch? She points out that it is in Sonoma County, so “there’s wine… lots of wine.” “You can even buy a bottle wine in the General Store at The Lodge,” she says, where they also have “great merch.”

Aside from the wine and “all of the design”, the other main reason to visit is that the Lodge “attracts a cool crowd”. She swears she saw “a famous actress and a famous rockstar” when she visited in July. But we think she mixed up her notes about another hotel. Or she just has a single, unspecific talk track for all of her hotel reviews. Like we said, the way she describes one hotel is pretty much the same as she describes the next one.

At one point in her guide, text appears across the header of her video, saying that the Lodge is “a favorite hotel for influential people in California in the arts, design, and Hollywood.” This would be a happy story for The Sea Ranch and The Sea Ranch Lodge if it were true. But any casual observation of Lodge visitor’s corporate emblazoned athleisure reveals a different truth: it’s a favorite for people in venture capital, private equity, or employees of start-up companies that are supported by venture capital. People who often have very little cultural cachet (or taste) but badly want to share space with the occasional (hip) artist, musician, or writer.

We acknowledge Marissa for not sharing any pictures of the burger at The Sea Ranch Lodge in her guide to The Sea Ranch.

What she got right: All of the places you can eat food inside of the Lodge

What she missed: Her musings on the design similarities between The Sea Ranch, Memphis Milano design, and her wardrobe

Blogger Guides To The Sea Ranch

The blogger guides to The Sea Ranch are our least favorite, by miles. They don’t have the professional writing quality (or thoughtfulness) of the newspaper and magazine guides, but they’re also not as outrageous as the social media influencers. They merely fill the most milquetoast voids in the ever-expanding universe of guides to The Sea Ranch.

Or maybe we don’t like the blogger’s guides because we see them as competition for the hearts and minds of an increasingly small readership. We’ll leave that for you to discuss.

Amy West Travel’s Sea Ranch Lodge and California’s Savage Beauty

This is a video review of The Sea Ranch Lodge circa 2014, created by Amy West. West operates the blog and e-commerce platform Amy West Travel. She recently published a book with a clever title that grabs attention by flipping the expected time frame and order of events: 100 Things to Do in Jacksonville Before You Die.

You really only need to know one thing about her guide to The Sea Ranch. Thirty seconds into the video, she’s shown in front of The Sea Ranch Lodge, leaning over to sniff a calla lily flower, which has no scent.

The remaining footage is a montage of images from the Lodge before its renovation: the statue in the parking lot, guest rooms, a penne pasta dish, and an old poster of Sonoma County land lots.

At one point, she had a “full review” of the Lodge on her website, but must have removed it.

The video includes two songs. The first, ‘Friends,’ composed by Thor Oliverson, resembles the intro to a dental hygiene device training video. The second, ‘Spark of Now,’ written and performed by Alse Kaldestad, offers the typical upbeat jazz-blues fusion guitar and harmonica music heard in videos about Sonoma county.

Oh, and there’s an amazing part around 1:28 where she and her partner share the most passionless kisses (yes, there are two) that you’ll ever see. You might wonder how those two made a baby together.

What she got right: The Sea Ranch Lodge was designed in the 1960s. She’s not making everything up.

What she missed: She never mentions that her trip to The Sea Ranch was a sort of “babymoon” or part of creating a guide to “babymoons”, which we learned from reading her blog. We would have liked to have heard more about those.

Bon Traveler’s A Weekend Guide to Sea Ranch [sic]

Bon Traveler is authored by Jessica Wright, a blogger and social media travel influencer. Her destination blog posts often take the form of a listicle (e.g., “7 Unforgettable Experiences in Morocco”, “15 Best Restaurants in Stowe Vermont”, etc.). Her media properties feature professional-looking photos. Food is well-lit, in focus, and photographed from side angles, making it appealing and close to something you might want to consume. You might recognize her from the Conde Naste Traveller guide she wrote, where she admitted to liking Billy Joel.

In this guide to The Sea Ranch, she says that she and her husband have “always been drawn to” The Sea Ranch, which is believable because she can take a photograph and is based in Northern California. They stay at the exact same Airbnb that Wright stayed at for her Conde Naste Traveller guide to The Sea Ranch; we assume both guides were based on the same trip. In this guide, she declares that her Airbnb is the “best vacation rental” at The Sea Ranch- a bold statement backed by nothing other than the fact she stayed there, it is cozy, and has a Nespresso machine. She names the Lodge the ‘Best Hotel’ at The Sea Ranch because, after all, it is the only hotel at The Sea Ranch.

She recommends driving a considerable distance to dine at restaurants, including Coast Kitchen at the Timber Cove Lodge (she places it in Jenner instead of Timber Cove) and that Michelin-starred place up in Elk that never has reservations on weekends that we’re up in Sea Ranch [sic]. We’re not going to give them attention until The Sea Ranch Reader editors secure a table.

Her guide also includes a Q&A that she conducts with herself:

Q: What is the best time to visit Sea Ranch [sic]?

A: Anytime at all!

Q: How much time should I spend in Sea Ranch [sic]?

A: Three nights

Q: Where is Sea Ranch [sic]?

A: Two and a half hours north of San Francisco

Q: Can you swim in the ocean at Sea Ranch [sic]?

A: No

Q: Who designed Sea Ranch?

A: Al Boeke had the vision, Charles Moore was the “primary architect”, Lawrence Halprin did the “master plan” and Barbara Stauffacher Solomon made the logo.

Her description on what to do at The Sea Ranch should sound familiar by now: go to the beach, go on a hike, and visit the Chapel (of course).

Towards the end of her guide, she recommends that you stop at some wildly-out-of-the-way places on your drive there, including Olema and Pt Reyes. You get the impression she’s trying to write a guide about every half-descent restaurant or store on Highway 1 from San Francisco to Fort Bragg. But hey, if you want to spend half the day driving around Marin during your three-day stay in The Sea Ranch, be our guest. If you’re like Wright, you’ll probably love to spend a lot of time in the car.

What she got right: It’s easy to spend a lot of time in a car up here if that’s what you want to do

What she missed: The actual geography between San Francisco and The Sea Ranch

Eliza Lovejoy’s Ten Reasons to Visit Sea Ranch [sic]: California’s Hidden Gem

Eliza Lovejoy is a Portland-based freelance copywriter who describes herself as a “travel expert and short-term rental aficionado”. She often shares her content on the un-moderated sections of Huffington Post, where users can publish content publicly. Huffington Post stopped this practice a while ago, but her content remains.

We don’t believe Eliza Lovejoy is her actual name. Her posts consistently link to and mention Vacasa and she created a profile on Huffington Post linking to her Twitter/X account, which belongs to someone with a different name: Sara Gates. Sara’s also happens to be Portland-based freelance brand copywriter and was an editorial director at Vacasa around the time this post was written. Eliza Lovejoy is such a goofy name, we suspect it is one of Sara’s nom de plums. Eliza Lovejoy sounds like someone with wanderlust, while the name “Sara Gates” suggests a homebody.

Her guide to The Sea Ranch features 10 themes and she pairs a specific Vacasa rental, a picture from the Vacasa website (not necessarily of the rental), and a couple of local businesses to each one. For example, one theme is ‘romance’, and she suggests a specific oceanside short-term rental and some baked goods from Two Fish to fill the love cup. Another theme is “total relaxation”. For that, she recommends a short-term rental in the woods and a book from Four-Eyed Frog Books in Gualala. The other 8 themes are: “architecture”, “beaches”, “ocean-front views”, “wildlife”, “beachfront golf”, “solitude”, “family-friendly fun”, and “staying above it all”.

You can tell she’s never visited The Sea Ranch. But don’t let that stop you from enjoying her guide, which has its high points. One such recommendation is renting DVDs from a now-defunct video rental store in Gualala. This was written in 2017, sure. But renting DVDs while on vacation? Get with The Sea Ranch program, everyone. Another high point is that she never mentions the Chapel (thank you).

What she got right: There are at least 10 short term rentals at The Sea Ranch.

What she missed: Indulging in carbs and TV all day sounds more like depression than romance.

Alice Dishes’ 10 Things to Do in Sea Ranch [sic]

Alice Dishes is a blog written by Alice. Most of the site’s content consists of reviews of places in the continental United States, usually restaurants.

When her reviews are positive, they are vague and over-the-top. Ingredients are frequently “at their best” and the restaurant’s preparation is “at its highest.” She’ll frequently recommend traveling hundreds if not thousands of miles for seemingly ordinary food, and that doing so is “worth it.”

She once went to a restaurant in Dillon Beach, which mistakenly believes to be the Sonoma coast. In that review, she endorses the statement that the casual coastal restaurant is “just as good as any place in San Francisco”. Has she never tried the raviolo di ricotta at Cotogna? The radicchio XO at Angler? The roasted duck at Mr. Jiu’s? Any burrito at La Taqueria, Taqueria Cancun or El Farralito? You could go on and on. It’s an an oversight that, unfortunately, undermines the credibility of her reviews.

Her negative reviews tend to have more specificity. She’ll critique specific things like food’s texture and acidity. Even her harshest critiques are softened by phrases like, “it was pretty good.”

Her review of The Sea Ranch is similarly positive and disengaged. The Sea Ranch, according to Alice, is a place to restore yourself by staring at nature, taking a long hike or having an open fire (please don’t do that) and, typical of many influencer guides to The Sea Ranch, involves drinking wine. Lots and lots of wine.

One great part about this guide is that 8 of her 10 things to do in The Sea Ranch aren’t actually at The Sea Ranch. You could just skip The Sea Ranch altogether and stay in Gualala or Point Arena. The remaining two that are at The Sea Ranch are pedestrian (look at the seals near One Eyed Jacks and have a drink at the Lodge while watching the sunset) and worth skipping entirely. We’re pleased she didn’t mention the Chapel. What is that, two guides in a row now that don’t mention it?

She once wrote a Thanksgiving guide to The Sea Ranch for short-term renters that has some very good advice: don’t drive your entire turkey to The Sea Ranch while it’s being brined. That 5 gallon bucket will slosh around too much. Instead, break the turkey down into smaller pieces and brine those separately on the drive. It’s much more manageable that way.

What she got right: Placewares is worth a visit. It used to have an eclectic mix of colorful household items that looked very good in a cedar-paneled home. Now, it’s a more whitewashed version of the SFMoma gift shop. But we’re still glad there’s still a physical household goods store near The Sea Ranch.

What she missed: A lot. It’s unclear if she actually visited The Sea Ranch to write this review. She may have used one of the vertical-access trails to access the beaches at The Sea Ranch, but not necessarily stayed there (which is a sensible approach to visiting The Sea Ranch).

This is My Happiness’s What to do at The Sea Ranch

This Is My Happiness” is a “sustainable travel and lifestyle” blog by Jenna Francisco, a freelance travel writer based in Sacramento. The blog offers shopping guides for affordable, comfortable clothing and off-the-beaten-path travel guides to destinations accessible by car or plane.

Many of the photos in the blog have a “sustainable” aesthetic. The cover photo for one post, “Amazing Last-Minute Sustainable Gift Ideas,” is of a second-hand or consignment store window at first glance. Upon closer inspection, it’s apparent that it’s the window of a coffee shop or sandwich store. And all of the gift recommendations are links to e-commerce sites for new and inexpensive clothing. Nothing seems particularly sustainable in this gift guide. This is a missed opportunity because Sacramento hosts a huge monthly flea market, the Sacramento Antique Fair, and many good second-hand stores.

In her guide to The Sea Ranch, Jenna goes through the regular routine. Get a short-term rental with a hot tub. Walk around and look at deer. Spend some time at the beaches. Go to one of the grocery stores in Gualala or Trinks, which she says is “good.” Amazingly, she does not mention the Chapel. So we’re up to three guides in a row now that never mention the Chapel.

The more interesting part of her guide is her “what to wear” list for The Sea Ranch. The list includes the following items, in order:

• A charcoal-colored open-front wool sweater jacket from J.Crew
• A sustainable pair of $20 skinny jeans from Everlane
• A red and gray plaid scarf from an unknown retailer (the link is dead)
• What appears to be a sneaker-loafer hybrid shoe from Everlane
• What appears to be a Member’s Only-style windbreaker from Everlane
• A long-sleeved white cotton blouse from Boden
• A brown leather weekend bag from Everlane
• Brown leather flats called “The Day Glove” from Everlane
• A blue puffer from Everlane
• Brown suede Blundstone boots
• A green, striped hoodie from an unknown vendor (the link is dead)

What she got right: It’s probably a good idea to wear a lot of brown at The Sea Ranch; the dirt on the bluff trail is very fine and will coat every thread of your pants during the drier months.

What she missed: She says that the trails in The Sea Ranch are open to the public which, for better or worse, is not the case. The northern third of the Bluff Trail is public, as are the vertical access points to beaches from the county parking lots along Highway 1. Should the rest of the Bluff Trail be accessible to the public? Of course it should. But it’s not. We suspect it’s closed to the public to increase the average cost-per-night stay at the many short-term rentals at The Sea Ranch.

Seventy-Five Mile’s Weekend Getaway: Sea Ranch [sic]- Timber Cove- Bodega Bay

Irene is a designer and travel blogger who takes very flattering photographs of hotels and food. She also selects some of the best places around the Bay Area to feature. What we really mean to say is, we sort of like her content, but are too embarrassed to admit it. We don’t know if she has a last name or not. She might simply be “Irene”.

Her guide to The Sea Ranch is short and sweet, and we think she was only there for a few minutes. It’s possible she never left her car. From what we can tell, she drove (sans pass) onto The Sea Ranch Association streets to take some pictures. And then she stopped by the Chapel, of course, also (possibly) without leaving the car. Then she high-tailed to Gualala before being spotted by security. Sounds like a solid trip to us.

What she got right: She was wise not to spend too much time wandering the private roads of The Sea Ranch– security here is fast and fierce.

What she missed: The ‘no trespassing’ signs at the entrances to The Sea Ranch’s private roads.

Tiff Travel’s Sea Ranch [sic], California

Tiffany Sudarma is a travel and lifestyle influencer, and now a mommy blogger, but likely holds a ‘real’ job in technology and/or financial services. She’s a real-life version of Gary Shteyngart’s dystopian novel Super Sad True Love Story, where only three jobs exist: retail, media, and finance.

She either resides in San Francisco or previously lived there with her husband, an Olympic silver-medalist swimmer. She was a long-time member of the Indonesian swim team herself. And no, we’re not total creeps who stalked her online. She shared a People magazine article about her wedding on her website. We suspect she very much wants us to know these details.

Now, onto her review, which is perfectly fine. She rented a place with some family and friends up along the ridge somewhere, but not somewhere too heavily wooded to see the sky. She recommends you cook at home (good idea), because the Lodge is the only restaurant you can get to (not true). If you visit Two Fish, she suggests going early before they run out of bread (partially true).

Given the limited activities at The Sea Ranch, she suggests bringing a book or games. She says you can also walk, play golf, or visit the chapel (of course).

She wrote her The Sea Ranch guide so quickly that she didn’t bother to copy edit. About 20% of her sentences make no sense or require multiple readings. Similar to us.

What she got right: This place really is “filled with rustic modern vacation homes”, much to our chagrin.

What she missed: The dozen or so other restaurants that are equally nearby as The Lodge, and potentially closer if you’re in the northern part of The Sea Ranch.

Walking in Sonoma County’s Walking to the Beach in Sea Ranch [sic]

This guide is perfect for those wanting to explore The Sea Ranch without breaking the bank on a short-term rental or at The Lodge. This guide highlights all public access points to The Sea Ranch beaches. You can park at Gualala Point Regional Park, pay a small entrance fee, and walk 3 miles south through The Sea Ranch to reach Walk-On Beach. That last third, the northern part, of the bluff trail is open to the public. Alternatively, you can park for free at the Walk-On Beach county parking lot and walk to Gualala Point Regional Park. Whatever you’re in the mood for.

Is the northern third of the Sea Ranch as scenic as the rest of The Sea Ranch? Not exactly. The houses tend to be very close to the trails and the bluff isn’t quite as dramatic as the southern section. But it’s not all that different than the rest of The Sea Ranch if you want to check it out on the cheap.

Anyway, Lynn Millar shares photos of the public access points, meadows, and beaches. Shell Beach is her favorite due to the trail’s length and quality. Shell beach is her favorite. She liked the length and quality of the trail.

We hope the knowledgeable The Sea Ranch residents share a collective eye roll at Lynn’s addendum to her guide. She was contacted by the “owner of Abalone Bay”, a short-term rental property that never lets the foot off of the promotion peddle, after her guide was published. The short-term rental owner just wants to let everyone know that if you rent their house, you can walk even more trails.

What she got right: You don’t have to spend any money to walk around The Sea Ranch.

What she missed: Nothing. She correctly identified all of the public trails at The Sea Ranch.

SEECalifornia.com’s The Sea Ranch, California on Sonoma Coast

Seecalifornia.com is a fever dream guide to every tourist trap in California (e.g., Hollywood, Muir Woods, Alcatraz, etc.). Their guide to The Sea Ranch is notable because it’s the most likely one to download malware onto your digital device.

We suggest you skip their guide to The Sea Ranch, which predictably tells you to go to the Chapel and to visit some beaches. Instead, head over to their extensive dining section where you’ll find nearly a hundred reviews of Cheesecake Factories, Applebees, Chevy’s, Chilis, PF Chang’s and California Pizza Kitchens across the state. Their reviews usually list every menu item at the restaurant along with a description, followed by a list of California cities hosting these restaurants.

The author often complains when the restaurants insist she orders from their menu. She has creative ingredient combinations that she wants to explore. We wonder if a drunk Denny’s line cook once let them into the kitchen to make their own version of Moons Over My Hammy, and every subsequent restaurant visit since has been a frustrating disappointment. Her review of PF Chang’s provides a glimpse:

“While you walk in hoping for snacks, the only thing you are offered is a server asking you how you would like your chili oils mixed for seasoning your food. If you want anything, you have to buy it on the P.F. Chang’s menu and philosophy, thus the bill for an individual will seldom be less that around $12, and it is usually more when you add a beverage to the tab.”

Courtesy of Seecalifornia.com’s dining section

Our favorite review here is one called, “Top Ten Temecula Tasty Temptations”. Do something nice for yourself today and read it.

What they got right: The author’s warning about the absence of chain restaurants or formula retail stores nearby underscores the need to stock up on Chili’s baby back ribs before traveling west from Highway 101.

What they missed: We wish they had reviewed at least one restaurant in Mendonoma; it could have been the highlight of this guide to The Sea Ranch guides

Vacation Rental Business’s Guides To The Sea Ranch

Approach these vacation rental company guides with a critical eye. They tend to play fast and loose with facts. Following them exactly could result in spending more time driving than enjoying your short-term rental, encountering closed businesses, and risking fines or jail time for illegal fires on Sonoma County beaches.

These guides are designed to separate you from your hard-earned money. So remain vigilant.

Sea Ranch Abalone Bay’s Things to do in Sea Ranch [sic]

Sea Ranch Abalone Bay is a California LLC set up by two homeowners that rent their home on a short-term basis. They do it all direct-to-consumer, without Airbnb, Vacasa, or another local rental agency as a middle man.

Their website is a labyrinth of details about the home itself, even providing floor plans, along with an extensive list of activities to enjoy while visiting The Sea Ranch. The website’s blog is filled with so much content, you can tell its author(s) enjoy hearing themselves talk as much as The Sea Ranch Reader Editors do. Recent posts include, “Do Houses at The Sea Ranch Have Air Conditioning?” (published in January), “Vacation Bliss is a Well Equipped Kitchen”, “Five Little Numbers We Love Most” and “Ten Babymoon Tips When Staying At The Sea Ranch”. They have tips for every conceivable occasion to spend $600 – $1200 per night to stay at a house in the middle of nowhere and do very little.

The general gist of their guide is: stay at this house, don’t be a jerk, and use as much of the general area as possible. Their guide’s best part are all of the links to things a visitor from inland might not think to look for (tide charts) or might have a difficult time finding if you relied on Google alone (e.g., where rent a bike or a horse, where to get a decent massage, etc.).

The Sea Ranch Abalone Bay guide is comprehensive, especially its long list of methods that short-term renters can use to irritate actual community members. This includes flying to The Sea Ranch in a private plane, using the community pools, riding horses on the trails, and (strangely) taking books from the community library. Any of those activities would be tolerable, if you knew it was being done by your neighbors. There’s a degree of tit-for-tat and live-and-let-live with people who live nearby. However, navigating horse shit on a trail left by a stranger tourist who paid Sea Ranch Abalone Bay $1200 per night to treat the neighborhood like a holiday resort is a different matter.

Again, there is an impressive amount of detail in the Abalone Bay guide to The Sea Ranch. It mentions nearly every store within a 25 mile range of The Sea Ranch, including their regular open hours. Of course a lot of this is out of date (it still mentions Two Fish Bakery’s fantastically townie Pizza Night; RIP). But that’s expected and excusable. Updating every single detail about commerce between Jenner and Manchester in real-time would be excessively time-consuming. That’s what Google is for.

What they got right: They’re not sending their money to Airbnb or Vacasa.

What they missed: All of the reasons you might come to The Sea Ranch and not spend a lot of money.

Sea Ranch Rental’s Things to do in Sea Ranch [sic]

Sea Ranch Rentals is a local short-term rental management company that oversees about 30 properties at The Sea Ranch. Their site contains a section called “Things To Do In Sea Ranch [sic]”. The guide is brief and somewhat covers the recreational facilities that TSRA members pay for, such as the pools, or contribute volunteer hours to maintain, like the library..

The guide’s facts are tenuous at best and the page should have a ‘reader beware’ notice that you must click on and acknowledge before reading it. The list of ‘things to do’ neglects key attractions at The Sea Ranch, such as the trails, numerous beaches, and the architectural landmarks. The guide contains inaccuracies regarding most places, including mention of seasonal and hourly closures that do not exist. The authors of the webpage seem to have been making speculative assumptions about the specific. The size and distance of things is always a little off. Not by much, but just enough to notice. The listed pool hours and availability seem to be off-the-cuff guesses made by someone eager to complete a website. It’s possible that the content was intended merely as a placeholder for a more thoroughly researched guide in the future. Or maybe they just don’t care about you.

On a positive note, the list of restaurants is surprisingly current. Additionally, it includes the BBQ stand located somewhere at The Sea Ranch Lodge’s golf course, which reportedly opened 10 months ago but has remained elusive to many.

What they got right: It is technically fine for short-term renters to use all of the stuff the rest of us pay for and volunteer to maintain.

What they missed: Most of the correct times that places around here are open or closed.

Ocean View Property’s Things to do in The Sea Ranch

Ocean View Property, another short-term rental management company, was purchased by Sea Ranch Rentals 3 years ago. Their website content closely mirrors that of Sea Ranch Rentals, including their guide titled ‘Things to do in The Sea Ranch’. Their web content is almost exactly the same as Sea Ranch Rentals, including their guide which is called “Things to do in The Sea Ranch”. Amazingly, the old Ocean View Property website correctly uses the The in The Sea Ranch (e.g., “Things to do in The Sea Ranch”), unlike its sister website over at Sea Ranch Rentals. TThe latter seems adamant about the misnaming, as if they’re attempting to alter the community’s name through sheer determination. Aside from the small disagreement on what to call this place, though, the two guides are identical.

The Ocean View Property site does have a blog, unlike its sister website, with and they have a 2020 post that is also called, “Things to do in The Sea Ranch, CA“. This list is entirely different from their primary list and reads like a free association exercise. It includes one unexceptional beach at The Sea Ranch and encourages you build a fire on it (definitely not allowed), driving to the UC Davis Marine Laboratory in Bodega Bay (which is a harrowingly curvy one hour drive from The Sea Ranch), visiting Fort Ross (worth a trip), checking out the homes designed by Lawrence Halperin (those don’t exist), and playing a round of golf (sure).

Allow us to reciprocate by providing some factual information about The Sea Ranch Rentals (and the former Ocean View Property).. Their offices are located in Gualala, just behind the 76 gas station, sort of near the Westamerica Bank. They have a beautiful porch with several large ashtrays that you can use while smoking cigarettes, joints, and enjoying a canned beer from their Heineken vending machine. If the doors are locked for any reason, you can head over to the Chevron station, which is next to 76 station, and get the key from the attendant. Their office hours are Mondays through Thursdays from 11 AM to 2 PM.

What they got right: It’s “The Sea Ranch”.

What they missed: Just the facts.

Vacasa’s Things To Do In Sea Ranch [sic]

Vacasa is a publicly-traded vacation rental management and real estate company headquartered in Portland, Oregon. Their Q3-2023 earnings call reported a record 500,000 bookings made through their platform in the previous year’s third quarter. Despite a banner quarter, their overall revenue declined due to the ‘booking value per night sold,’ averaging a mere $406, marking a 14% decrease. The good news for investors and, presumably, the C-suite there is that their EBITDA was up due to cost reductions “local markets”. That means everyone here in The Sea Ranch is making less, from the homeowners to the nearby contractors from Gualala who clean houses and do maintenance. But Vacasa is making more money, which is cool.

They don’t mention that sort of stuff on their consumer-facing website. Instead, they have a brief guide to The Sea Ranch, which highlights all of the most mundane local wildlife such as deer, harbor seals, and birds, cautions against excessive swimming due to cold and danger, and lists the community’s recreational facilities along with ‘the first Scottish-style seaside golf course on the West Coast.”

The guide encourages you to drive further north to Mendocino and Fort Bragg for some action. Along the way you’ll find more beaches, galleries, and restaurants. In “laid-back” Fort Bragg, you can check out a brewery or go to the botanical gardens.

What they got right: The location of The Sea Ranch, and the distance from its border to San Francisco.

What they missed: They call our community centers “resort-style”, which they are not. The pools, for example, are not like those you’d find at a resort. They are used by people who live here, to swim laps or teach their young children to swim. They are hardly like those you’d find at a resort. There are no cabanas. There are no drinks. There are no attendants. And, most importantly, there is nobody here to pick up your tourist garbage. Because these places aren’t here for your vacation. These are modest pools and tennis courts for members and their guests.

No Man Before’s A Weekend Getaway in Sea Ranch [sic], California: The Perfect Holiday Getaway with Vacasa

Their travel guides adhere to a familiar formula, often presented as listicles (such as ’10 Best Things To Do in Tulum,’ ’20 Photos to Inspire You to Visit Lombok,’ ’10 Best Hikes in San Francisco,’ etc.), accompanied by numerous photos of Kelly from behind. The emphasis is on capturing Kelly’s perspective as she admires picturesque scenes. Kelly’s face is seldom fully shown, often captured from the side in wide-angle shots. This deliberate approach creates an aura of anonymity while still inviting admiration. The couple seems to cultivate a celebrity’s fantasy where they are admired without suffering the encumbrances of fame.

The photographs take center stage on their blog, overshadowing the writing, which tends toward stating obvious facts and providing irrelevant historical details. For instance, they mention the abundance of fountains in Aix-en-Provence and the difference in cloudiness between the UK and the US. In their review of Bernal Heights in San Francisco, they note the absence of a swing that once hung from a tree on Mount Bernal.

No Man Before’s A Weekend Getaway in Sea Ranch California is sponsored by Vacasa. Consequently, the first 40% of the post is a promotion for Vacasa. The last 60% is a section called (yet again) “Things to do in Sea Ranch [sic]”.

The rest of the guide is dependable, recommending a stroll to the beach and a visit to Two Fish Bakery. However, it also suggests exploring Gualala Point Regional Park (which may not be worthwhile if you’re already at The Sea Ranch) and visiting numerous nearby beaches, including Bowling Ball Beach. I mean, if you’re up here for a week, sure. Drive up and check out all of the different beaches. But this is poor advice if you’re here for a long weekend. You don’t need to spend that much time in the car.

Amazingly, this is the sole guide sponsored by a vacation rental company that mentions the prevalence of hot tubs at The Sea Ranch (and in Northern California as a whole). Kelly and Aaron make a wise choice in opting to spend their time watching the sunset from their rental’s hot tub rather than observing Sea Ranch residents swim laps in the community pools. The short-term rental hot tubs are definitely more resort-like than the pools.

What they got right: So many hot tubs.

What they missed: They hardly mention the architecture at The Sea Ranch, other than that you don’t really notice the houses because they blend into the landscape. Their review of The Sea Ranch could be copied and pasted into a guide to just about any northern Californian coastal town.

Business League, or 501(c)6, Guides To The Sea Ranch

There are plenty of business owners in Sonoma that band together to promote the region under a tax-sheltered 501(c)6 organization. Sometimes those organizations will try to write something about The Sea Ranch to attract tourists there.

On behalf of The Sea Ranch editorial staff and at least some of the sound-minded residents at The Sea Ranch, please stop it.

Sonoma County Tourism’s 5 Things To Do in The Sea Ranch

Sonomacounty.com is operated by Sonoma County Tourism, a 501(c)6 organization. In their 2023-2025 strategic plan, they share that Sonoma has struggled to attract international visitors since the pandemic and that they’re increasing their outreach to travel partners in three main markets: the UK, Australia and Germany. So if you find your town overrun by British, Australian and German tourists next year, you know who to blame.

Sonoma County Tourism is managed by a board of hospitality industry executives, representing a combination of businesses that are perfectly fine and some you wouldn’t be caught dead at.

For those who are curious about what these chamber of commerce-type non-profits are up to, they lay that out in their current strategic plan for you. They currently have 14 “critical business objectives”, but we get the impression that just a couple matter most to them.

Anyway, those objectives are to: 1) Increase revenue to business partners and county, 2) increase visitors during historically low-turnout months from November to April, 3) compel hospitality workers to move to Sonoma County, by force if necessary, 4) increase Sonoma County Tourism’s revenue, 5) let everyone know that they have a DE&I initiative, 6) give the impression that they’re being more transparent about their goals, 7) get those lazy board members to show up to more meetings, 8) stop pissing-off their staff, 9) try and get more feedback from residents, 10) talk to tourism industry partners more often, 11) stop being so Pollyanna-esque about Sonoma’s history, 12) promote a narrative about how sustainable things are around here, 13) partner with more brands that come across as sustainable, and finally 14) position Sonoma County as a leader in fighting global climate change. These are solid goals and we wish them luck.

Their guide to The Sea Ranch doesn’t necessitate spending money within The Sea Ranch itself, potentially limiting revenue for (and from) local businesses. However, it’s prudent that they encourage exploring areas within Sonoma County, retaining tourist money within their borders.

Not only does their guide not require that you spend any money at The Sea Ranch, you don’t even have to go to The Sea Ranch to check most of the recommendations off your list (e.g., going to Fort Ross, going to Timber Cove, and walking on a beach).

The Chapel is, of course, mentioned.

What they got right: The Sea Ranch isn’t really a day-tripper kind of place.

What they missed: We can’t find anything in their guide to The Sea Ranch that supports their 2023-2025 critical business objectives.

Sonoma County Tourism’s The Sea Ranch

Sonoma County Tourism’s latest guide attempts to compensate for its previous deficiency in ‘things to do in The Sea Ranch’ by emphasizing lodging options. While the initial recommendations largely consist of cost-free activities such as visiting the beach or the Chapel, this latest guide focuses on accommodations, favoring stays at The Lodge or in short-term rentals. That’s more in line with their 2023-2025 strategic plan.

What they got right: The most expensive thing you can buy at The Sea Ranch, aside from purchasing property or eating dinner, is to rent a short-term rental or stay at the Lodge.

What they missed: A dinner at the Lodge can be the most expensive thing here, if you’re paying for a party of 4 or more.

Real Estate Guides to The Sea Ranch:

Kriquette Lyngstad’s The Sea Ranch Amenities

This is a guide to The Sea Ranch that was produced by Sacramento-adjacent realtor, Kriquette Lyngstad. Kriquette Lyngstad specializes in selling real estate in Sacramento, Placer, and El Dorado counties, and apparently, at The Sea Ranch..

We’re sure there are multitudes of similar videos out there, accompanying old real estate listings at The Sea Ranch. We didn’t bother to look for those though. We’re only reviewing this one.

The video features a dramatic, upbeat keyboard-demo sounding song so generic that Shazam identified it as a different song each time we played. Apparently there are thousands of songs like this one, varying not by melody, but only tempo and effects.

The guide outlines potential selling points along The Sea Ranch, from south to north.: The Lodge, Black Point Beach, Moonraker Recreation Center, the “private airport” (e.g., the airstrip), the Hot Spot, the Ohlson Recreation Center, the equestrian stables, One-Eyed Jacks, Del Mar Recreation Center, The Sea Ranch Golf Links, and then she circles back south to capture The Chapel (of course).

It then transitions to a ‘for sale’ sign in front of two adjacent lots near Black Point Beach. This is the highlight of the film, as she says there no height restrictions for these lots. We’d very much enjoy hearing her clients explain that to The Sea Ranch Association’s design committee when they try to build their fire-resistant Salesforce Tower right next to the original Esherick houses.

What she got right: The order of places in The Sea Ranch from south to north is almost entirely correct.

What she missed: The Sea Ranch Association design committee is a force to be reckoned with; also any of the better volunteer-run parts of The Sea Ranch (our garden, for example).

Livexplore’s Sea Ranch [sic]: A Modern Utopia

This guide is a comedic skit performed by two actors from the theater troupe ‘Livexplore’. In this skit, the two actors play real estate agents who are talking about the pros and cons of The Sea Ranch real estate–a market they say you should, “keep an eye on.”

The entire interview unfolds in what appears to be a bunker or perhaps an underground panic room. The host is played by a South Bay-based comedian, wearing an over-sized, white button down shirt with a huge full cutaway collar and and equally large a black sweater vest adorned with a white and gray argyle pattern along the front. The look is reminiscent of a 2005-era version of David Byrne’s oversized suit from the Stop Making Sense.

A younger man plays the role of a guest real estate agent (and pilot) working for the host. He’s clean-cut and is wearing a gray Patagonia pull-over and a black t-shirt. He’s the sort of character you’d be bummed to find patronizing your favorite restaurant or bar. His facial expressions remain static throughout the 13-minute interview as he delivers Sea Ranch facts rapidly and without affect. It’s as if he’s been cramming for a The Sea Ranch exam and can’t wait to dump all of this information from his memory after he finishes it.

For about a minute, the guest recites what resembles an excerpt from an old Encyclopedia Britannica entry on The Sea Ranch. And then they engage in a speculative conversation about the future home values at The Sea Ranch.

These two are seasoned performance artists. At one point they point out that the Halprin house was listed at $8M but sold for $12M, and the host rolls his eyes back, does some mental math and says it went for “34% over asking”. At another point, the guest says that 98% of the homes at The Sea Ranch are second homes. They maintain straight faces throughout the entire video. At times, you feel like you’re watching Tim Heidecker’s Office Hours Live. It’s that fun, they never break character, and we can’t recommend that you watch this video enough.

What they got right: They can “totally create creative lease terms” if you’re on the seller-side.

What they missed: Not only did the native Pomo travel to The Sea Ranch to collect kelp and shellfish, they also engaged in highly speculative The Sea Ranch real estate investments hundreds of years before the Russians and Spanish moved here and called it Rancho Del Mar.

Liisberg & Company’s About The Sea Ranch, CA Real Estate

We don’t have any beef with Liisberg and are only including them here because they have a guide and we have a completion complex.

Their guide sits at the bottom of their The Sea Ranch listings page. It starts by assuming what you’ll ‘love’ about The Sea Ranch—’intimacy with nature’, views, and a challenging climate. It then proceeds to tell you that the people here driven by a volunteer-spirit. It then begs you to join the exclusive community.

What else does the area offer? Naturally, there’s The Lodge, Two Fish Bakery, and ‘locally made artisan foods’ at Surf Market (though Gualala Supermarket’s innovative basil packaging technology is overlooked). There’s the Bluff Trail, of course. There are clubs you can join, ranging from bridge to birding. And it’s no cultural wasteland either. There’s the Gualala Arts Center, which they say is a “multimillion dollar institute”.

Unfortunately, there’s no discussion of the architecture or the myriad rules here. Presumably, they wish to avoid discouraging those selling homes lacking in architectural merit. We get that. But we don’t understand why they didn’t mention all of the rules, which is a major selling point for anyone who doesn’t want to deal with other people’s questionable taste.

What they got right: They correctly refer to The Sea Ranch as ‘The Sea Ranch’.

What they missed: It’s in Sonoma, so there’s lots of wine. They sell wine in The Sea Ranch Lodge General Store.

Lynne MacFarlane Home’s Escape to Tranquility: San Francisco to Sea Ranch Weekend Getaway Guide

This video guide to The Sea Ranch is produced by Lynne MacFarlane Homes, a real estate agency based in Los Altos. If you’ve ever wanted to experience a simulated drive to The Sea Ranch with an unfamiliar man, this guide is for you.

The journey begins from the passenger seat perspective, passing through the Robin Williams Tunnel in Marin County. You must pass out immediately, because the next thing you know, you’ve driven about 80 minutes north, and are currently on the the winding S-curves between Jenner and Timber Cove.

That’s when the tranquility ends. You end up behind two cars, driving very slowly. The camera pans over to the driver-side dashboard and you catch a glimpse of the speedometer clocking about 20 MPH (the highway speed limit is 55 MPH). The car in front, and primary perpetrator of this ridiculous speed, is a Prius. The one behind it is another tourist, driving some sort of small, white cross-over with two bikes on the back. Neither of them is pulling over. As a viewer, you’ll probably yell out loud at some point, begging the driver of your car to cross the solid lines to pass these two bozos.

But he doesn’t. You eventually emerge from the S-curves about two hours later, while the sun sets. At this point, we assumed he had to turn his client around to get back to the South Bay before bedtime. They can always try again tomorrow.

What they got right: The video simulation does a good job preparing potential homebuyers for the indignities (and road rage) of driving to The Sea Ranch.

What they missed: The Sea Ranch, unfortunately. That’s what happens when you don’t pass slow cars. You’ll never get there.

Golfing Guides To The Sea Ranch

NBC Golf Pass’s Exploring California’s undiscovered coast at the Sea Ranch Lodge and Sea Ranch Golf Links

This guide was written by Bay Area-based golfing beat reporter, Jason Scott Deegan. He’s currently a managing editor at NBC’s GolfPass. He bears some resemblance to Arcade Fire’s frontman, Win Butler circa 2004, if Butler wore golf shirts..

His guide offers accurate descriptions of the area. He characterizes this coastal area as more laid-back than Monterey. He finds the drive here to be tedious and that the difficult drive keeps tourists away, “just how Sea Ranch [sic] likes it.”

He stayed at The Sea Ranch twice while compiling his guide. Once as a sort of couple’s getaway, and a second time with the boys to play some golf. He and his wife delighted in the Bluff Trail. His friends found the “rustic” golf course here “interesting”, noting that the conditioning is inconsistent and the bunkers are gnarly, but that all of the holes are “cool”. His friends and he admired the mid-century architecture, even if they can’t place it into historical context beyond “this reminds me of Frank Lloyd Wright” or that the Hines house is reminiscent of the 1970s.

It’s refreshing to find a genuine guide that highlights the pleasurable, time- machine-like simplicity of The Sea Ranch. Not many make that connection. Less genuine is his review of the Sea Ranch Lodge Restaurant, which he says is as good as, if not better, than any Bay Area Restaurant. You need to get out more, Jason.

What he got right: The drive here is treacherous and it keeps the tourists away, just how we like it.

What he missed: At one point he calls The Sea Ranch a “golf resort”. Oh, god. That’s not happening, is it?

Golf’s This seaside course in California boasts million-dollar views (and affordable tee times)

This guide, written by Josh Sens, appeared in Golf Magazine’s Travel section in 2023. You probably recognize Sens as the co-author of Sammy Haggar’s book, “Are We Having Any Fun Yet: The Cooking and Partying Handbook.” When not cooking and partying with the Red Rocker himself, Sens writes for Golf Magazine, where he’s been a contributor since 2004.

Josh Sens’s guide to The Sea Ranch provides an extensive overview of the drive, emphasizing its slow and dangerous nature..

He also compares the houses here to something Tom Doak, a golf course architect, would design. It’s a cerebral comparison that went over the heads of many readers, including our own.

Otherwise, this guide offers a straightforward description of The Sea Ranch and some local amenities. He appears to have at least skimmed one of the books by Lawrence Halprin, the landscape architect of The Sea Ranch. He describes the golf course as rustic, laid-back, and beautiful, despite acknowledging its need for improvements. Similar to NBC Golf Pass’s Jason Scott Keegan, he laments the condition of the bunkers.

His guide is light on details a tourist might need to know about The Sea Ranch and its environs. Only one line mentions the Lodge. He mentions that there are houses around. Not a single restaurant is mentioned. Nor any beaches.

Towards the end of the guide, he suggests that locals feel a tension regarding The Sea Ranch and its golf course being ‘too compelling to remain undiscovered’ but ‘can’t help but hope it stays that way.

What he got right: Most people who live at The Sea Ranch want others to know about it, but don’t actually want them to come here.

What he missed: According to Sens, it took him over 3 hours to make the 100 mile drive from San Francisco to The Sea Ranch, giving new meaning to his buddy’s song, I Can’t Drive 55. You actually can drive (at least) 55 most of the way here, and it should only take two and a half hours for any driver with a moderately-functioning vehicle and nervous system.

“Other” Trade Publication Guides To The Sea Ranch

Cool Hunting’s Scenic Cliffside Adventures at The Sea Ranch Lodge

Cool Hunting is an online magazine and e-commerce platform founded by two ex-ad agency people who are now married. It’s the type of digital magazine that notifies you about an intriguing art show in Chelsea by a lesser-known Colombian installation artist and then delves into discussions about the new ‘action button’ on the iPhone 15. They occasionally collaborate with brands, and the magazine’s premise is to identify what’s ‘cool’ before it becomes mainstream. However, a closer examination suggests they may be conflating ‘cool’ with effective marketing.

The challenge with individuals like this is that once they’ve successfully identified and declared something as cool, they’ve killed its coolness. Similar to the sinking feeling you experience when you hear one of your favorite songs by an obscure band featured in a Target commercial. Or worse, the moment you notice a jam band-loving hippie at one of your favorite band’s concerts. You can never go back to having the same feelings about that song or band again.

Fortunately for The Sea Ranch Lodge, Cool Hunting is far from the first publication to find the establishment. Their review of the Lodge was published in July of 2023, alongside dozens of other reviews about the newly re-opened guest rooms. Similar to the Women’s Wear Daily review of the Lodge, this review comprises a lengthy list of brands available in the Lodge’s guest rooms. The entire review is presented from the perspective of The Lodge—detailing what can be observed to the east (sunrises), north (houses), south (Condominium one), etc. You can see wildlife from your guest suite window.

The author, Julie Wolfson, also wrote the Los Angeles Times guide to The Sea Ranch, which we can’t read because we’re not going to subscribe to The Los Angeles Times. But that review might be a little better than this one, which seems like it was written by the Lodge’s PR agency.

We give Julie Wolfson credit for actually going to the Lodge, though. At least we’re led to believe she’s the one that took the pictures in this guide. It’s surprising how many of these reviewers never visit the location and simply post the pictures provided by the Lodge.

What she got right: The sun rises from the east.

What she missed: The old exhibit on the The Sea Ranch ‘Architecture, Environment, and Idealism’ at SFMOMA, ended over 4 years ago.

FORA’s Spotlighting Sea Ranch [sic]: California’s Peaceful Coastal Escape

Fora is a travel website that connects travelers with virtual travel agents. The site features descriptions of hundreds of US and international travel destinations, along with reasons why you might want to visit them, along with a list of hotels and touristy activities.

The site offers some interactivity, allowing users to mix and match predefined interest categories to discover their ideal travel destination. For example, if you combine ‘road trip’ and ‘foodie’, it will recommend San Luis Obispo. If you want a “babymoon” that’s “adventure-style”, they suggest Tucson. If you’re more of a “digital nomad” and “spa”-type, Iceland should suit you nicely.

What about The Sea Ranch? They think you’ll like it if you’re looking for any of the following combinations:

• Babymoon + beach town
• Couple’s travel + nature escapes
• Architecture + USA
• Group travel + food and wine
• California + relaxation

If that sounds right for you, they suggest staying at the Lodge, St. Orres or the Hotel Breakers. Then you can golf, walk around, play trivia at the Lodge, “check out” the recreation centers, “immerse” at the redwoods, or go to the small dog park at The Sea Ranch that nobody ever goes to. They do not mention worshiping deities at the Chapel, which is refreshing. They also fail to mention that some activities are not available if you book your hotel at St. Orres or Hotel Breakers. However, this might not be a concern, as swimming in a community pool alongside retiree lap swimmers may not be a priority for everyone.

What they got right: The Sea Ranch truly is a relaxation + babymoon + beach town + nature escape.

What they missed: The Sea Ranch is also California + weekend getaway + off-the-beaten path + local family travel too.

Luxury Travel Advisor’s The Sea Ranch Lodge in Sonoma County Completes Reno

Luxury Travel Advisor is a travel agent and hospitality trade publication that features industry trends, insider gossip, and continuing education opportunities for travel agents, referred to as Travel Agent University. Their continuing education courses focus on the places of our nightmares, from cruise ships, to Las Vegas, to Florida.

They have intriguing free courses too. One such course, titled ‘Let’s Make Romance and Money: Selling Couple Getaways,’ was scheduled for February 6th, 2024 (we’re serious). Sorry you missed it.

Their guide is written for the indifferent travel agent who has never been to The Sea Ranch. What do travel agents need to know? The Lodge has recently reopened after undergoing a multimillion-dollar renovation. The Lodge also has a “living” program, where you can rent a house at The Sea Ranch through the Lodge. If you’re really lazy, the Lodge will go grocery shopping for you and track down some locals to provide spa treatments. Oh, and jazz night at the Lodge is free.

What they got right: The rooms at The Sea Ranch lodge have about as much soul as generative AI.

What they missed: Nothing. That’s all a travel agent needs to know. Moving on.

Blue Ocean Design’s Sea Ranch [sic]

This website is an endeavor by a former product manager turned photographer. The author is involved in creating websites (maybe some other stuff?) for some of the non-profit organizations along the Sonoma coast.

Their guide copies a lot of content from other places, including The Sea Ranch’s original marketing materials (“The terrain is rugged, the surf treacherous, the ocean cold”, for example). At least it includes some of the better quotes from the original founders, even if they aren’t in any context.

The guide highlights all public trails and beach access points along The Sea Ranch. They advise against driving on private roads, warning that TSRA security may immobilize your vehicle using the latest technologies. These public areas offer views of harbor seals, the golf course, and some architecture.

The owners of Abalone Bay of course reached out to the author and asked to be plugged, which of course they are.

The Chapel is not mentioned at all.

What they got right: The include the correct mile markers for each county parking lot along The Sea Ranch.

What they missed: Their guide says that it costs $7 to park in the county parking lots along The Sea Ranch. That’s not actually the case, and we’re not telling you how much it actually costs. Just make sure you bring a lot of cash and drop it in The Sea Ranch PO Box labeled, “The Sea Ranch Reader Foundation”.

California Mutual Benefit Corporation Guides To The Sea Ranch

There’s only one of these guides, written by the brain trust over at The Sea Ranch Association.

The Sea Ranch Association’s Exploring Our Community

The Sea Ranch Association (TSRA) is the homeowners association at The Sea Ranch. It’s hip and its website uses Helvetica font and only three colors: red, black and white. The TSRA’s day-to-day operations are managed by a community manager and a sizable team due to the large scale of the community. TSRA governance is provided by an elected group of six board members, along with one consistently dissenting member, as of January 2024.

While the TSRA is not directly involved in promoting real estate, short-term rentals or the Lodge, you wouldn’t always know it. It runs an instagram account that straddles a fine line between history lessons and promotion. The editors are often wondering if any of their dues are being spent on this sort of thing and, if so, where do we send our grievances! (ed. note: the answer is to the entire board of directors while cc’ing the community manager; trust us, they all love that sort of feedback).

But we digress.

The public-facing parts of the TSRA website have a bevy of information about how to spend your time here, whether you’re a community member or not.

We’re not talking about the “about” section of the website, which is a good resource for new bloods who want to learn more about the history of The Sea Ranch, what the founding architects found (or still find) tacky about it, and what original ideas worked out okay. It has links to all of the big books and some of the more interesting YouTube videos about the Sea Ranch.

We’re going to focus on the “Explore” tab of The Sea Ranch Association website, which we assume is written for new residents and visitors. It has 12 parts:

1. The recreation centers. This section lists the location and hours for each of our recreation centers. It reminds you that, if you are a short-term renter, you are a second class citizen that has to get out of the pool first when they get to capacity.
2. Gathering spots. You’ll never be able to find any of these and, frankly, you’re not welcome there anyway. Except the “dog park”. You can go there as much as you want to. Nobody cares. So let’s move to section
3. Trails. With memorable trail names like “131”, “42B” and “61A”, you’ll have no trouble navigating our trail system, which follows marginal logic and rarely gets you to your destination in a straightforward way. Unless, of course, you’re trying to get to somewhere on the Bluff.
4. Beaches. We’ve got em. The TSRA guide points out two types of beaches here: public and private. Don’t worry, though. The latter don’t actually exist. (Note to the TSRA– what are you trying to do?!?! Ruin a good thing and get us in trouble with the Coastal Commission!?!?)
5. Airstrip and hangars. We don’t know why you’d want to explore our airstrip. Although there aren’t too many planes landing here, the views from the airstrip are not worth the risk of being hit by a landing (or departing) plane. The hangars are privately owned, so you probably shouldn’t go snooping around those either. The TSRA says that short-term renters can land there, but we wouldn’t recommend it. You have to leave your plane outside on the tarmac and hordes of vandals live and play in the woods nearby the airstrip.
6. The Association offices. Worth a visit. We recommend going for no reason, standing around in the lobby, and making awkward, panicked eye contact with the employees– but not saying anything if they ask what they can help you with. We’re sure they’d appreciate that.
7. Utilities and services: Well, if you’re a utility building fanatic, we’ve got those too. Check them out. They have sloped roofs and vertical wood cladding, just like the other buildings here.
8. Special sites: We didn’t know what this meant either, until we read the two sentences about it. And it still doesn’t make a great deal of sense. “Special sites” refers to Gualala Point Regional Park, Stengel Beach, and Black Point Beach.
9. The Sea Ranch Chapel. The TSRA knows that no guide to The Sea Ranch is complete until the obligatory Chapel mention.
10. Golf links. The TSRA wants you to know that the golf course here is privately owned and that they have nothing to do with it.
11. The Equestrian Center. In terms of sheer word count, the TSRA website devoted more time to talking about the stables here than any other feature of The Sea Ranch.
12. The Sea Ranch Lodge. The TSRA website’s copy about The Sea Ranch is among the most copied/plagiarized on the internets. Like the golf course, the TSRA wants to remind you that we have nothing to do with this place. Visit the Lodge at your own risk.

What they got right: Our utility buildings do look pretty good by utility building standards.

What they missed: Visitors can access ‘private’ beaches via watercraft, as mandated by California State law. However, reaching these beaches by boat may present logistical challenges.

Literary Fiction Reviews of The Sea Ranch

We’re sure there are more, but this is the only literature we could find that features The Sea Ranch in the foreground of the narrative. We admit, we didn’t look very hard.

N+1’s Sea Ranch [sic] by Corley Miller

Corley Miller is a creative writer and poet who’s published in notable rags like N+1 and The New Republic. His short story guide to The Sea Ranch is oddly accurate, but not one that we recommend you follow.

He describes the architecture as “comfortable houses made out of materials from the nearby sea.” And that everything is so blue, it’s hard to tell the sky from the ocean. The rules are that you can’t do anything to your yard and that the houses have to look like spaceships. It strikes him that the wealthy owners of the cliffside homes believe “things will stay the same for them” after sea levels rise. He points out that a lot of people jog on the bluff trail.

The story ends when he and his friend kidnap famous meteorologist, Norman A. Phillips, who is jogging on the bluff trail.

What he got right: A lot of people jog on the Bluff Trail.

What he missed: Many The Sea Ranch members ignore the rules and do all sorts of things to their yards.

California Coastal Commission Guides To The Sea Ranch

We don’t want to bore you with details, but The California Coastal Commission is the Yin to The Sea Ranch’s Yang. Or maybe it’s the other way around? It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that neither would exist as they do without the other. The California Coastal Commission was established in the early 1970s in response to concerns raised by locals regarding coastal development, particularly at The Sea Ranch. Residents feared that developers would monopolize the coastline and limit public access—a concern that turned out to be founded as heck. And The Sea Ranch underwent a development moratorium for several years, compelling developers to reassess their plans. Consequently, the original blueprint, which featured smaller lots and denser housing, was modified, resulting in what some consider to be a McMansion monstrosity situation anywhere at The Sea Ranch north of Annapolis Road. But at least people can walk many parts of The Sea Ranch, even if they’re not renting a house or staying at The Lodge.

California Coastal Trail’s The Sea Ranch

This brings us to one of the best guides to The Sea Ranch, produced as part of a Coastal Trails series by The California Coastal Commission.

The music starts off pretty cheery in the video…. right until the moment someone mentions that the public can’t walk along this part of the coastal trail. That’s when a sad song called “Alpha Suite, Part 6” begins to play. It’s written and performed an Austrian “folk noir” band called Son of The Velvet Rat. We doubt that’s an accident.

Anyway, the key part of this video is when a The Sea Ranch resident mentions that groups can purchase a permit to walk the entire length of the coastline at The Sea Ranch, “if you’re really hot to walk it.” It’s perfectly edited by the producers. There’s so much promotion around The Sea Ranch, trying to get people to rent up here so they can enjoy the beaches and trails. But if you to do it for free or next-to-no-cost? What’s so fun about that? I mean, “I guess you can do that, if you’re some sort of sick pervert who’s hot for walking the trail.”

Anyway, we looked into this and, apparently, there used to be a docent program where anyone could walk the entirety of the property under the close supervision of a guide. That program is now defunct.

Nevertheless, we suggest visiting The Sea Ranch Association office to inquire about these permits. Who knows, maybe they’ll be so overworked they’ll just give you a guest permit? How bad would it be to have non-members hiking the Bluff Trail? I mean, it’s not like short-term renters don’t stay long after their check-out time to use the pools. Could hikers be any worse than that?

If any of our readers try to get a permit to walk the bluff trail and can’t get one, reach out to us and we’ll lend you one of our guest passes. We know that’s not what a lot of the people who wrote these guides want you to hear. There’s a lot of money in renting homes, staying at the Lodge, or buying property. But it’s the least we can do to suppress the ever-increasing cost of staying overnight at (and the cultural homogeneity of) The Sea Ranch.

Frankly, walking the bluff trail’s the best part of visiting here. The food’s fine, of course. The Chapel is sort of interesting looking, we suppose. However, the exteriors of the houses often outshine the interiors, particularly those of short-term rentals. So don’t waste your time on all of that. Just come up here, save a few bucks, and walk along the coast, and stare at the outside of the houses all day. For overnight stays, consider the reserved but unused campsites at Salt Point State Park for $35 per night or the motels in Gualala, often priced below $120 per night.

You’re welcome.

The Sea Ranch Reader Editors