This week, The Sea Ranch Reader’s Guest Relationship Advice columnist, Lucy Fawkes, is announcing a new The Sea Ranch singles dating app, which she developed using money she made selling watercolor postcards of cats and mushrooms on deviantart.com. Her full announcement is posted below, for your romantic convenience.
Dear The Sea Ranch Community
I am delighted to announce the launch of The Sea Ranch Singles Dating App! This is not to be confused with The Sea Ranch Swingles App (which was recently banned from the App Store for obvious reasons).
Now that The Sea Ranch Lodge has re-opened, soon to be followed by the hotel (perfect for discrete encounters), The Sea Ranchers finally have an authentically romantic spot to dine (and get a halfway decent cocktail) with a new love interest. Or maybe it’s an old love interest that they are open to trying a 2nd or 3rd time, because there aren’t many options here. Either way, the app was developed for both full- and part-time The Sea Ranchers, but all consensual participants are welcome to download the app and admire our selection of attractive singles. But you won’t be able to connect with a potential partner unless your encrypted unit-lot-block number matches the device ID on your phone.
The app includes many exciting in-app purchases, including “chaperone” services from former and off-duty The Sea Ranch Association Security officers, and “hot tub” rentals at a very reasonable hourly rate (assuming you two don’t want to use one of your own and prefer to relax and jacuzz in third-party, neutral territory).
The Sea Ranch Singles Online Dating App was developed out of a deep concern for public safety and 401k preservation. Recent environmental impact studies have shown the the 10 to 20 local singles are traveling as far as 150 miles (each way) to connect with like-minded “matches” on other dating apps. Why not spend those 5 hours bird-counting or playing an erotic game of Pickelball with someone within walking distance!
The app will feature a “Missed Opportunities” page for those times you may be in a deep Downward Dog at Saturday Morning Yoga and don’t feel that chatting up your neighbor yogi is appropriate under the circumstances. Or, maybe you noticed a side-long glance from a fellow squash-picker but were too shy to say hello?
And for all of those birders and foragers out there, the app will have a special section dedicated to all real and imagined match-making between the varied and plentiful flora and fauna of The Sea Ranch. Just imagine the possibilities here! Full disclosure: this section was required by the TSRA in exchange for permission to use The Sea Ranch logo.